Everchanging

Eyes on Me

!!TW!! Self-hatred, negative internal talk

Genya had long since fallen asleep on the couch, the stress of the day causing him to crash fairly easily. Though, Sanemi was sure that the boy would wake up in a few hours anyway. The group of friends stood outside, Sanemi shutting the door behind him quietly as he saw his friends off. But, before they left, there was something that needed to be taken care of.

"Hey, Shinobu." The man called out to the one person who seemed hesitant all night. Not even Giyuu seemed as awkward as the woman had, and that man was the walking embodiment of 'awkward'. "Do you not like him?"

"Huh?!" Shinobu jumped as all eyes were on her, but she was quick to deny it. "Of course I like him. He's a good kid."

"Then why were you acting funny all night?" Mitsuri asked, eyes big as she grabbed the other woman's hand. Shinobu looked conflicted as she thought of what to say, her eyes flicking up to Sanemi before she sighed.

"It's just.... I can't look at him without feeling angry." Shinobu huffed, continuing before anyone could interrupt her. "Not at him. I can't help but feel angry at your dad, and I hate that there's nothing I can do about it. He's already in prison so it's useless to be angry about it. But when I look at the kid and I see that fucking scar, I think of that bastard and I feel sick."

"It's not stupid to feel angry at everything. Hell, I do, Genya does, I'm pretty sure everyone does. But don't treat my brother any differently just because of what happened. Sure, you can treat him with kiddie gloves but don't avoid him, you're only gonna make him think you hate him or something." Sanemi rubbed his temples as he sighed. He didn't even want to think of how this issue would progress if he didn't put a stop to it now.

"Yeah, what happened was horrible. But it's not fair to take it out on the kid. Even if it is by accident." Tengen crossed his arms but Shinobu was quick to cut in.

"You guys weren't there. You didn't see how horrible the aftermath was. You didn't get the phone call that I did." Shinobu's voice was a hushed yell, still being mindful not to wake the kid inside the house. "I just. I can't help but look at him and remember Sanemi calling me in a blind panic. I felt so fucking useless as he begged his brother not to die. Even when I got there, I couldn't do anything but sit there and watch him fall apart and it hurts."

"Genya's only 16 and he's my baby."

"Don't take my baby."

"It's not fair. He's my baby brother. It's not fair. They were my baby siblings. It's not fair."

"I've never felt more useless in my life. I've been your friend for years and yet I still didn't know what to do but sit there and watch you fall apart." Tears beaded in Shinobu's pretty eyes as she bit back a sob. "And I can't help but remember you talking about not living if Genya didn't make it. And I feel awful because what happens if something happens to Genya and you follow through?"

"How am I going to live if my baby brother dies?"

"I don't want to make it through this! Not without Genya! I can't do this without him!"

"Please don't take my baby brother away from me."

Sanemi honestly didn't really remember much of that night, most of it a stressful blur that he preferred not to think too hard about. And now he was starting to hate that he couldn't remember. With Shinobu so stressed about what he'd said, he couldn't help but feel awful. But that still didn't really explain why she was acting so off about Genya. It explained why she was quiet but not what made Genya so off-putting to her. There was something she wasn't telling him.