!!TW!! Discussion of child abuse, alcoholism, CSA/SA, grooming, pedophilia
Kyojuro couldn't describe how he felt, sitting across from his father without the smell of alcohol. In fact, Shinjuro only had water at the table. He had forgone the happy hour menu willingly and Kyojuro was, honestly, surprised.
"Order whatever you want, Kyojuro. This is a happy occasion." Shinjuro smiled, genuinely smiled at his son and Kyojuro could feel his heart squeeze. How long had it been since he had seen his father smile like this? Since before Senjuro was born? Before his mother died? "How's Senjuro doing? I still feel horrible for scaring him last time. Thinking back on it, I definitely should have called and waited for you to answer me instead of just showing up. That was foolish of me, I'm sorry."
"Huh?" Kyojuro froze at the apology so readily handed to him. He didn't even have to bring it up, Shinjuro just apologized like it was such an easy thing to do. "Oh, Sen's doing okay. He was shaken up but he bounces back pretty quickly."
"That's a relief. What about you? How are you doing lately, Kyo?" This all felt so surreal to Kyojuro. The idea of having such a normal conversation with his father felt like a fever dream. And if it was, he never wanted to wake up.
"I'm doing well. Work's going fine so that makes things a lot easier."
"I bet." Shinjuro laughed, eyes focused on his son as if nothing else mattered and Kyojuro suddenly felt bashful under the gaze of the man who had taken so much from him. "How are your friends? Do you still hang out with Tengen and Sanemi? They were good kids, I hope everything's been fine with them."
"Yeah, we still hang out. They've been doing great actually." Kyojuro eased himself into the idea of life being a bit more normal. At least, he hoped. He wanted this normality. He wanted to be able to talk to his father like this. Shinjuro hummed, nodding thoughtfully. He still had the habit of pulling on his ear when he thought. Kyojuro was kind of thankful that some things never changed. It was like proof that the man in front of him really was his father and not some figment of Kyojuro's longing.
"I saw the news about what Sanemi's father did. It was awful. I can't imagine going through any of that." Shinjuro kept the sentiment vague, careful not to reveal too many details in a public space. He cringed a bit at the remembrance of the story. "I'm really relieved to know that he's doing well now. If anyone deserves it, it's him."
Their words pettered off, silence looming over them. After so long apart, it was hard to jump right back into the swing of things. But, Kyojuro thought, they probably never could be like the family they once were ever again. As much as he wanted to, too much has happened to go back to the happy family that they had been once. There was too much pain and hurt. Too many loose ends and shattered memories.
So they couldn't be that family anymore, but they could make something new. Maybe not something family-like but more possibly something family adjacent. If things went right and Shinjuro was really honest about wanting to change, maybe things could be different in a better way. Kyojuro hoped they could, Senjuro deserved a nice father. He had never gotten to meet the Shinjuro that read them bedtime stories or took them out for trips. He only knew the Shinjuro that spat hateful words and drew blood with glass and harsh hands.
"Look, Kyojuro..." Shinjuro finally spoke, his eyes now downcast and a bit sad. "I don't think I can ever really atone for what I put you and Senjuro through. I can never express how truthfully sorry I am or change what I did. I wish I could, God do I wish I could. But I can't. I can't change it. I was a horrible, awful abusive man to you two. I let my grief swallow me and I took it out on the two people I love most."
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Everchanging
FanfictionSanemi has to take custody of his younger brother, Genya, after his father goes too far. After not seeing his baby brother for almost 4 years, can he reconnect with him? Even if he barely recognizes the boy? {Cross-posted on AO3 under MultiGoddess} ...