Everchanging

Remember

!!TW!! SA Flashbacks/Triggers, Heavy PTSD Episode, Panic Attack, Vomit, Bullying, Self-harm thoughts

"I like you, Genya. Will you go out with me?"

Yeah no, he definitely didn't hear that right. He was out of his mind if he thought that this girl was asking him out. Something tingly and sickly festered in his throat and Genya's brows pinched together. He couldn't put a name to his feelings, nor could he describe them, but all he knew was that he would never willingly feel like this again if he had the choice.

"Huh? The fuck did you say?" He hadn't meant to sound mean; he didn't even want to. But he had to. At least, that's what his brain was telling him. Something deep down wanted to scare the girl away, to keep her as far away from him as possible. Guilt and pride battled when the girl took a startled step back.

"I– uh...Well," Her eyes scanned the ground around them, then the bushes until they landed on Genya's feet. He wanted to scream, he wanted to run, he wanted to fight , when her brown eyes slowly raked up his legs until she finally made eye contact. "I said that I like you. I want to date you."

He felt sick. He didn't feel normal. This wasn't how a normal boy would be reacting to a pretty girl asking them out. Any other normal boy would be happy, they would be goading and bragging at the attention. But Genya felt disgusting, like he was pinned down under a spotlight to be ogled at.

"You like... me ? Are you sure about that?" He scoffed, anger rising swiftly. The girl wouldn't meet his eyes, her gaze was transfixed on the scar that stretched across his face. Something about her gaze made him feel small, made him feel young.

"Yeah, you're hot. A lot hotter than the other boys in our school."

"You look so fucking hot when you're like this. Cry a little more."

The sick feeling before became more of a presence, more violent as the girl's brown eyes lowered until her gaze settled on the scar that peaked just barely from his collar. He couldn't breathe, he wondered if that was a normal response to being asked out. The longer she stared at the scar the more inclined he felt to run away, his hand coming up to cover the bite mark that Miyano had left on him.

His vision had blurred so much that he hadn't noticed the girl had come closer until her hand tangled with his own. His skin burned but he couldn't move, if he moved then Miyano would be angry at him. She always made it hurt more when she was angry.

"I really like your scars; they make you look cool." She leaned a little closer, smiling up at him and Genya's breath hitched audibly. Her feminine fingers dragged up his arm, tracing all of the scars left behind on him and he wondered how many of those had been caused by his own hands. "Have you ever kissed anyone, Genya?"

He couldn't move, couldn't breathe. He wondered if Miyano knew that or if she was just teasing him. She knew the answer to that question. She had been the only person that Genya had ever kissed, she took pride in that.

"Well, have you?" The girl's voice changed a little, became a little softer and Genya was almost fooled for a second. But he knew Miyano, knew how much fun she derived from toying with him. He stayed quiet, like she always told him he should. He didn't want the kids to hear what she turned him into, didn't want his dad to find out.

He wondered what Nemi would have done if he was still here. Would his brother stop her? Would he take Genya's place? Something visceral rose in him and Genya threw that thought away. He would rather give his everything to Miyano before letting Sanemi do the same. He would rather die than have his big brother find out about any of this.