Everchanging

Bloodline

!!TW!! Talk of SA/CSA/Pedophilia, Death, Panic Attacks, Flashbacks

Genya's been punched in the gut a lot in his life, and this felt a lot similar. The air that refused to return, the infinite expands and release only to be left windless once again. Genya realized that the only thing that was missing was the rattling pain that accompanied a fist in the stomach. But he hadn't been punched. There was no need for the pain.

But something hurt, he just couldn't figure out what.

"What do you mean, she's dead?" This had to be a joke because if it wasn't Genya didn't know how he'd hold himself together. He had gotten a semblance of peace over the past couple of weeks. He would even dare to say that he'd been happy. But it seemed like Miyano would always return to tear the world out from under his feet.

"Some prison inmates mobbed her." Sanemi's words felt empty, like this was simply a news story and not Genya's life. It seemed like his older brother had already made his judgments and Miyano's death didn't rattle the man. But it rattled Genya and he didn't know how to get it to stop. "She had been bragging and inmates don't take pedophiles lightly."

Pedophile

That word made something in his blood chill, and he felt filthy and used. What had she been bragging about? Did those other prisoners know every disgusting detail? They had to have, they had to know more about it then even Genya did. They knew more details about his defiled body then he himself did.

The thing that hurt throbbed and Genya couldn't help but gasp around it. This felt different than anything else. It wasn't the outright devastation that came from losing his mom and it was nothing like the guilty desperation that followed his siblings' deaths. This one felt painful, sharp and hot against his ribs and burning through his veins. This felt like he was being ripped in half by two snarling dogs fighting over a slab of meat discarded.

"Look, Genya, I know this hurts but think of it this way. She can't hurt anyone else ever again." Something about Sanemi's words like a flame under the screaming sides of him. A part of Genya agreed, a part of him was delighted about this news. But the other half was despairing, one half of him was mourning.

And Genya didn't know which part of him was right.

"Don't tell me what to think." The words burned and tore through his lips and honestly, he was just as surprised as his own brother about the tone that came with the sentence. But Genya couldn't even think to take the sentiment back because he was too busy trying to keep himself together.

She hadn't even served a year of her sentence. Those up to forty years of imprisonment that the court had promised Genya had flown out the window not even a year into it. She didn't even have to serve two months of her sentence for putting Genya through years of hell. A lifetime of pain and Miyano hadn't even gotten a year of repentance for it. How was Genya supposed to get closure now? How was he supposed to be content with the retribution when there hadn't been any?

But she had died. That had to mean something. But was death even the biggest repentance? Or was it getting off easy? Was her death painful and slow like everything she did to Genya or was it quick and final? Did her death amount to anything in the end for Genya or was it just another loss to him?

Something hurt and Genya wanted to scream . He wanted to scream and keep screaming until all he could taste was his own blood. He wanted to reach inside of himself and rip everything apart until there was nothing to fight over, not a single piece of him untouched. He wanted to... Genya didn't know what he wanted. All he knew was that something inside of him hurt and that Miyano wouldn't even know what she put him through.