Everchanging

Choice

!!TW!! Panic attack, vague suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt (flashback), psych ward, self-harm mention

"I need to apologize." Kaigaku could feel his stomach coming up through his throat, his heart ramming into his ribs as Genya's eyes widened slightly. Kaigaku rushed to get the words out, trying desperately to be heard. "I did so many shitty things to you and I don't expect you to forgive me. You don't have to. But, please, just hear me out. Just this once, and then you'll never have to see or hear from me again. I promise."

There were a few moments of silence filled with Kaigaku's stomach clenching and his mouth turning dry. He doesn't remember ever feeling this nervous in his life, not even on the day he was adopted. But now, as Genya read him to filth with not a single word yet spoken, Kaigaku felt like he was going to vomit from the pressure.

"Kaigaku came here because he feels bad-"

"Don't defend me." Kaigaku shot a look at Tanjiro, ever the saint as he tried to urge Genya to decide. Kaigaku didn't need his help, he didn't deserve this. He had dug this hole himself, it was his job to climb out of it. If he could, that is. "If you don't want me to be here, that's cool. If you choose to not hear me out, I'll be fine with that. But, I wanted to at least tell you that I was sorry. For everything."

"It's your choice, Shinazugawa." Kaigaku breathed out, watching as the boy's eyes widened just a bit at his words. Genya's lips parted, his throat catching and his hands clenching. Kaigaku braced himself for rejection, accepting the guilt for as long as he lived.

"Okay...Okay, I'll hear you out." Genya nodded to himself, his eyes flickering from the ground back to Kaigaku's eyes. His gaze looked a little more alive. "I want to hear you out."

"Thank you." Kaigaku wheezed in the air he couldn't breath, shaking his head to get his thoughts straight. "Thank you so much, Shinazugawa."

He didn't expect to get this far, now unsure of where he should start. His eyes focused on his shoes, too aware of the silence in the room. All eyes were on him, it was what Kaigaku had always wanted. But he couldn't stand it now.

"I should...I should start with apologizing." He spoke more or less to himself, but he knew everyone else could hear him. "There's no excuse for what I did to you. None. The video incident was awful of me to do, disgusting. I used a video of your...of you to get at you for little to no reason. I didn't realize at the time how disgusting it was, I saw your life as a media story at most and a past-time at least. I didn't see you as a real, breathing, suffering, person. I saw you as something to poke and prod at to let my own frustrations and insecurities out."

A pause and a breath, and yet, Genya still listened.

"And I would like to say that I woke up then, but you and I both know that that wasn't the case." Kaigaku looked up, forcing himself to look Genya, his victim, in the eyes. It was the least he could do. "I looked into the police statements and stories just so I could find out what would freak you out. I talked shit about you behind your back with Ume and Gyutaro. I poured fake blood on you and mimicked gunshots just to make you scared."

His throat caught, his nose burning, but he continued.

"I sat by and watched as Ume harassed you in class, forcing you to take pictures with her as she touched you when you didn't want her to. I even laughed at it." Kaigaku swallowed, pinching his wrist to quiet his nerves a bit so he could continue. "I even posted that video on the internet. I let Ume and Gyutaro post the pictures there too. I hadn't even realized what I did was wrong until Zenitsu punched my lights out."

"No, I'm saying this because I'm human !" The house went silent, the boy's yell echoing through the walls as his brother looked on in shock. "You're sick. You, Gyutaro, and Ume are sick and you know it ."