Everchanging

Mosaic

!!TW!! Talk of abuse, alcoholism, grief

It was odd, to feel both this light and this heavy at the same time. Senjuro didn't feel real as he stared at the house in front of him. Thinking about it now, he wasn't sure what possessed him to agree to this but Kyojuro didn't raise a quitter so there was no backing out now.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Senjuro?" Kyojuro kneeled down to be near eye level with his little brother, but the boy didn't tear his eyes off of the address number that was nailed to the house. This house had their last name branding it, like it was supposed to be their home too. "We can always just go back home and do something else if that sounds better."

Rengoku was plated in gold on pale cream paneling and Senjuro couldn't help but feel so far outside of his body that he didn't even know who he was anymore. Two halves of Senjuro screamed and scratched at each other. One drew blood and the other got even and Senjuro wasn't sure which one was winning.

One half of him hated seeing his name on this house. Hated that he shared a last name with the man who had destroyed so much of him. Hated that he not only looked like the man, but he also had to have his last name to tether him to this hell.

But the other half whispered to him that it was the same last name that Kyojuro shared. One half of him told him that he not only shared this name with his father but also his brother. And knowing that Kyojuro was also tethered soothed the battle a little.

Senjuro wondered what his mother's maiden name was. He wondered if there was anything tethering her.

"Senjuro?" Tengen spoke now and for a second Senjuro forgot that he had asked him to come. He played it off that it was to help himself stay calm, but he knew that he was lying. As collected and calm as Kyojuro pretended to act, Senjuro knew that their father had hurt him just as much as he had hurt Senjuro. If Senjuro needed an anchor, then so did Kyojuro. And Senjuro didn't think there was anyone more suited to the job than Tengen. "Breathe buddy. You don't have to force yourself to do anything."

There had been a lot of preparation for this to happen. A lot of texting and questions that Senjuro had grown tired of. But he knew that he would have never allowed his father to come back to their house. His home turf. Something about the man coming into the house where Senjuro slept and lived made it feel tainted and evil.

But this was different. Senjuro was invading his father's space, his father's home turf. And a part of him preened at the idea of taking something back from the man even if it had been a concept made up in his own mind. However, he liked this plan more because it gave him the chance to run away if he needed to. If things went wrong, he could just leave and go home, Shinjuro couldn't.

But, if Shinjuro had come to Senjuro's place then he wouldn't have anywhere to run. He would be cornered with only a hope that maybe, just maybe, Shinjuro really had changed just a little and he would finally listen to Senjuro.

Would he listen?

Senjuro didn't really care anymore. He wasn't here for Shinjuro to listen to him; he had given up on that dream a long time ago. Now, he just wanted to finish this. He wanted to get closure and never have to look him in the eyes again. Because, unlike Kyojuro, Senjuro wasn't as sweet. He wasn't as lovable. He was the one who had killed Ruka.

And Senjuro honestly didn't think there was any amount of groveling and changing that his father could do that could fix any of this. Sure, you could turn broken glass into a mosaic but at the end of the day it was still just broken glass. Cracks and shatters still ran through its body.

And Shinjuro couldn't turn this broken glass into a mosaic.

"I can do this." Senjuro could do this. Because one thing that Shinjuro had taught him was that Senjuro was a lot stronger than his father made him out to be. No matter what, Senjuro always made it out. And he would make it out. "I can."