Everchanging

Want

!!TW!! Abuse/Alcoholism, Nightmare, Attempted Drugging, Self-harm, Suicidal thoughts, Graphic Death/Murder, Prison Mob, Talk/Bragging of CSA

Tiny hands gripped uniform pants, sobbing making his chest feel tight. Senjuro wasn't entirely sure why he was so upset but he just knew that he couldn't handle it without his older brother. Kyojuro sighed, placing his hand on the top of the boy's head but the child was acutely aware of how their father was sitting on the couch just ten feet away from them. The man wasn't saying anything, but he didn't need to. His scornful glare said enough.

Kyojuro tried to take another step, becoming late for school, but Senjuro felt like he would die if his brother left him. He didn't know if the cause of death would be Shinjuro or the child's own racing heart, but death was guaranteed.

"Don't leave me! Please, please Kyojuro!" Senjuro wailed, the young boy sitting his entire weight on the floor to anchor the other down. He could hear the springs in the couch creak and his screams heightened to a higher octave, his skin buzzing. Kyojuro's face was tightened with stress, his hands pushing his little brother away from him in a rush.

And that hurt. It hurt more than Senjuro could ever fully understand.

Because he knew that Kyojuro was trying to defuse the situation before Shinjuro stepped in, but he was still pushing his little brother away. Kyojuro was pushing Senjuro away. It didn't matter the reason; the result was the same.

The child tightened his tiny fists, unable to breath as he tried to take his brother with him. Shinjuro's hand tore into his son's hair, yanking the child back so hard that he nearly pulled Kyojuro off balance as well. Senjuro didn't scream, he couldn't with the way he couldn't get a breath in.

Before Kyojuro could step back in, Shinjuro shoved his eldest son out the door and yelled something about school. The heavy door slammed back shut, the lock clicking like a bell in the child's head. There was a moment of pause when Senjuro prayed that Kyojuro would come back.

But that never happened.

Instead, his brother went ahead to school where it was safe as Senjuro was dragged by his hair into the bathroom. The child kicked and wept silently, his father grabbing a bottle of sake as they passed. The glass clinked against the doorframe when he slammed the child into the wall of the bathtub, kicking him for good measure.

"It's seven in the fucking morning. Why can't you just shut the fuck up like a good kid?" Shinjuro growled, setting the bottle down as he rooted around in the medicine cabinet. "Why do you always have to throw a fit the minute Kyojuro has to go to school? You're not a fucking baby anymore, stop fucking acting like it."

Senjuro wasn't sure if his dad expected an answer but even so, he wouldn't have been able to give him one. He still couldn't breathe, his heart thundering against his ribs in a way that a child's heart shouldn't.

A bottle of pills rattled, and the child pressed himself against the cool surface of the bathtub, but it was too late. Shinjuro already had a fist in his hair, and he was kneeling in front of the boy. Thick, harsh fingers pressed at the boy's lips, but Senjuro fought to keep his mouth shut. His jaw screamed in pain when his father squeezed the joints, pressing a few pills in his throat before yanking the boy's head forward.

Senjuro didn't have the time to fully react, his body bowed over the toilet bowl. He scratched his tiny hands against his dad's hands, but the man pressed the boy's head deeper into the dirty water, bubbles audibly filling the bathroom.

"Take the pills. All you have to do is swallow them, Senjuro." Shinjuro's voice floated into the child's ears but maybe that was because Senjuro was starting to float away. He couldn't breathe, he was going to die. "It's not that hard. Why do you always have to make everything so damned difficult?"