Everchanging

Feel

!!TW!! Themes of Child Neglect/Abuse, Divorce, Infidelity, Slight talk of SA/CSA, Bullying, Victim blaming mindset

It wasn't really the words being shouted that bothered Kaigaku, he'd long since gotten talented at ignoring that. But the shrill volume of the screaming match between his grandpa and his father made Kaigaku want to melt into the Earth and disappear. He wondered if the trees could hear their words, if the neighbors were privy to the mess that was Kaigaku's life. The only saving grace to all of this was Zenitsu wasn't home yet, school wouldn't let out for another hour, so if Kaigaku dealt with this quickly then, hopefully, his little brother wouldn't have to know what transpired.

He couldn't make out his mother's words, the letters muddling into the cacophony that the two men's voices created. The woman tried to tug on her son to bring him closer, to take him inside, but some weird sick wonder kept the boy rooted to this spot. After so long of not seeing the man, Kaigaku felt a strange disconnect from his father. Like, the craving urge to be loved was still there, but Kaigaku couldn't put pen to paper. He couldn't put all of his knowledge and memories he had of his father to this aging man.

He looked the same, sure, but it wasn't how he looked that made him surreal to Kaigaku. How the man acted was off, like he was desperate and angry. But what did he have to be angry about? He was the one who left, who moved on, he had chosen to give his life away for some younger woman. Where did he get off coming back like it wasn't him who had chosen this?

A car door slammed shut and Kaigaku shifted his gaze ever so slightly to the woman making her way over and he suddenly felt sick . The closer she got the more Kaigaku wanted to explode, the angrier he became. It ate at him and festered like a raging dog but, not once, did the woman hesitate before grabbing his father's arm.

"Kaiyo, let's go. You're making a scene." The woman at least had the shame to look embarrassed, trying to pull the man away. "We're going to be late, come on."

And maybe it was the way she smiled apologetically at them as she tried to pull his father away. So much younger than his mother and looking nothing like the woman his father had once married. Maybe it was how Kaigaku's father never once looked at him, never once said his name or asked how he was. Maybe it was how his mother's chest rattled with contained tears or her pulling hand. Maybe it was the screaming or the words or the anger on his grandpa's face. Or maybe the anger just shriveled up and died within him because suddenly he couldn't take it anymore.

He was done.

He didn't want to have any part of this.

The teen didn't say a word or spare a glare before he turned back and retreated with his tail between his legs. He could hear the front door shut behind him hard enough to rattle the walls, and a distant part of him told him that it was Kaigaku's own hand that had done that. But he felt so far away, like he was miles and worlds away from his home. Like he was some kind of phantom haunting these walls and only instinct told him where to go.

Just as he fell into his bed, he could hear the front door open again, his mother's voice calling for him, but he couldn't take it anymore, so he pulled all of his blankets over himself. The world was dark enough that, if he closed his eyes, he could pretend that he was nothing. But he could still hear the distant shouting outside, so he wasn't nothing, he was something. Something that couldn't take this anymore. Something that wanted to be nothing. Something that was breaking apart at the seams and never growing. Something that only changed and hurt people like his father.

He flinched when he felt hands on him, pulling at his safe cocoon until light invaded his refuge. It took a few seconds of blinking until his mother's sad eyes looked onto him, a smile finding her features when she saw her son. Her gentle hands carded through his tangled hair, cupping his cheek and bringing him into her embrace like something that soothed all pains and worries. Kaigaku was something, he was something when he'd rather be nothing but... But if he was nothing then what would happen to his mother?