Everchanging

The Truth

!!TW!! Description of Prologue, Dark inner monologue, Self-blame, Discussion of CSA, POV of a Pedophile/viewing a minor sexually

"I don't think my father ever loved me or anyone really." It felt right to only start from the beginning. If Genya was going to tell the truth, he wanted to tell all of it. Though his words were muddled and wobbly, his friends only listened. No one said anything. All attention was on Genya. "I think my father only really cared about control more than anything else. Everything had to be done by his standards and even then it was still wrong. He liked having the power to put people down."

"He's always been mean but he wasn't really hostile in the beginning. Yeah, he would smack us and stuff but it wasn't like now. Usually, he only got physically violent when he got drunk and Nemi was always there to defend us when we needed it." It was weird, looking back on his life now. He could see now how much everything changed when Sanemi left and his mother died.

"But then Nemi moved out. It was my job to protect mom and the others but apparently I wasn't very good at it like Nemi was. It seemed like no matter what I did, mom would just get sadder and sadder." He could still see the empty eyes if he thought deep enough. He could still feel the loneliness of being without his mother despite her still living in the same walls as him. Now that he really thought about it, Shizu had been dead a long time before the day she ended it all. She had died the day Sanemi left.

"She got quieter and soon she would hardly get out of bed unless father ordered her to. No matter how much the kids cried or I begged, mom wouldn't answer. And... I remember she spoke for the first time in months... She asked me if Nemi would come to her funeral. I should have known why she asked but I was too stupid to understand. I could have stopped her then if I had been a little smarter."

Genya sat on the floor, his back resting on the bed behind him, offering Shizu his presence in hopes she would finally snap out of her mind. His mother didn't even turn to look at him, her small back crumpled and sad. The child sighed, reading through the lesson that Shizu should have been teaching him. But it was okay, if she didn't feel well Genya didn't expect her to waste her valuable energy on him when it could be used elsewhere on someone more important.

It had been months since his mother had spoken to anyone. No one knew why, one day Shizu grew quiet and her voice was nowhere to be found. The only sounds they could hear of their mother would be cries of pain whenever Kyogo got sick of her. But no matter what, she wouldn't speak. Not even to her children.

But Genya couldn't blame her, she was just so sad. She missed Nemi so much and he could tell it hurt. He couldn't imagine not being able to see your own child. So Genya would sit in the room with her, letting the silence remain as he basked in his mother's presence.

"Genya..." The child's head turned, eyes wide as he heard the familiar soft-spoken voice that could come from only his mother. He saw Shizu's dead eyes, dry of tears and staring at something far away. She never looked at Genya anymore, she hadn't touched him in months.

"Mom?-"

"Do you think Sanemi would come to my funeral?" The boy didn't know how to respond to the odd question, his pinprick eyebrows pinching in confusion, but his mother didn't sway. Her eyes remained on a spot on the mattress but the boy could tell she was still expecting an answer.

And it was all Genya's fault. Shizu's death was her own child's fault. Because he was too dumb and he gave the wrong answer. Genya would never forgive himself as long as he lived.

"Why wouldn't Nemi come to your funeral? He's your son. Nemi loves you so of course he would be there."

For the first time in almost a year, Shizu smiled. Something solid sunk in the boy's stomach but he couldn't pinpoint what it was. But it didn't matter because thin fingers tangled into his hair, his mother's hand guiding him into the bed with her. For the first time in months, Genya was pressed into his mom's chest, the woman holding her son close and smiling at him like he had given her a gift.