Everchanging

I Had To

!!TW!! Nightmare, SA/Rape, Murder, Panic attack, slight suicidal thoughts, derealization

Someone was breathing. All he could hear was their heavy breathes, feeling their hot air against his skin. Someone was breathing, and that someone wasn't him.

Haah

Haah

Quick, overlapping sounds that made his throat close tight against whatever was threatening to come out of it. Whether it was vomit, a shameful sound or a gasp of his own, Genya didn't know. He didn't want to. But what he did know was that someone was breathing, pressing him down and their air brushing his body.

But he couldn't move, his bones stiff and his muscles limp as fingers wrapped around his wrists. His vision was fuzzy and warm, just like whoever's gasping breath was against his lips. It was like he was floating, barely anchored down by the bruising pressure against his unmoving body.

And he couldn't breathe.

He couldn't remember the last time he could take a full breath. But maybe he could imagine the feeling of his lungs being filled and his body feeling alive. Maybe he could dream about the feeling of taking a full breath.

Someone was crying, far away and pathetic. And Genya wasn't sure who it was, he didn't really care to be honest. All he cared about was the warmth that filled his head and the flickering darkness in his vision, how it drowned out the gasping sound above him.

Wasn't he supposed to be doing something? It felt like he should be, but he couldn't remember what. Maybe if he shut his eyes he could remember.

"Ah, ah, ah. Don't pass out on me now." The warmth and clouds were tossed away by a sharp stinging that spread through his cheek. And it was like his soul was shoved back into his limp body, something high and keening filtering through his closed throat as he stared up at the body above him. "It's not nearly as fun, if you don't give me something to work with."

He couldn't move.

He couldn't breathe.

He couldn't fight.

But he wanted to. He wanted to fight. He really did. He really really did. If only someone would believe him.

It felt like he was breathing her air, her exhale becoming his inhale, as she grinned down at his sad image. Miyano was just as beautiful as the day they met, everything about her reminding the poor child of his mother and that made everything she did sting so much more. Her dark eyes watched as Genya became more and more aware of the position, she forced him into, her smile growing at the panicked expression on the boy's face.

"There you are. I was worried I lost you there for a second." Her voice was saccharine and sweet, but her weight pressed him down like a prisoner, her skin touching his and reminding Genya of who he was to her. Her words told him that she was worried, but her touches said that she wanted more. And Genya didn't know what else he could give her, what else could she possibly take? "You're boring me, Genya. Do something."

Put on the spot, the boy just stared up at her unclothed form, watching as she sat back on his naked thighs and motioned for him to perform for her. The longer he didn't move, the more irritated her face became. Her long hair dangled in front of her cruel expression and Genya couldn't help but think about how his mother's hair had been that length the last time he saw her. He remembered trimming Shizu's hair, crooked and ugly, and the woman hadn't touched it to correct it. She let it grow out, uneven and jagged. She said that she loved it, even joked that Genya should become a hairdresser.