Jaya Oneshots (Requests Open)

Somebody That I Used to Know

Every now and then, I think about when we were together.

Like when you said that you were so happy that you could die.

Jay felt the tears soak his eyes as he tried to take controlled deep breaths. Part of him... Perhaps the part of him that he just wished would give up, was feeding into the inability to breathe. But he couldn't help it. Not when she left him. Not when she left him for his best friend of all people.

Out of everyone that she chose to cheat on him with, why did it have to be him?

And all of the lies that she told him when they were together just kept playing in his head on loop for his entire body to experience the crashing sadness that he felt each and every time he thought about her.

And of course... Of course he couldn't help but wonder if she told the same lies to Cole. Or if all of the things that she told him were actually things that she wanted to tell Cole. And it hurt. It hurt to think that she just settled for him because he was the only one at the time to really show interest at that time. It burned his brain and filled it with plagued thoughts. Thoughts that he just wished would leave him be and let him move on.

But, like always, he couldn't seem to let go. 

And in the end, that was going to be his downfall, and he knew that from the start.

Maybe... Maybe that was why he just didn't try anymore. Not like he used to anyway.

Told myself that you were right for me.

But felt so lonely in your company.

But that was love and it's an ache I still remember.

He should have noticed it sooner. He blamed himself for not noticing the signs. Noticing that something fishy was going on. Because he was too blind to see what was happening in front of him. Or maybe it was just that he didn't want to accept what was happening. 

The first red flag that he should have seen was when she started to set up the boundaries. Those stupid boundaries. It wasn't even the boundaries that pissed him off. It was the fact that she didn't explain why she did it. She didn't tell him what he was doing wrong. And it hurt.

It hurt far more than he was willing to acknowledge.

But he couldn't let her know that. No one would take him seriously if he told the truth.

He was the jokester after all, and no one takes a jokester seriously.

The second red flag should have been every single time when they were alone. How even if they were together, she seemed so out of reach. Her mind was always occupied by other things. Thing that he didn't push to ask her about because anytime he asked, she just started talking about boundaries. 

Or maybe he should have noticed the secret glances that she shared with Cole. Or the times that he walked in on the 2 of them in positions that weren't all that friend like. But he just let it go. Let it go because he trusted her. Because he trusted Cole.

And now he knew... Now he knew that he really shouldn't have.

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness.

Like resignation to the end.

Always the end.

Perhaps he didn't notice the signs because he just loved the feeling of being loved for who he was, even if it wasn't a truthful feeling by any means. And maybe that was why he decided to believe and trust her words even though deep down he knew that she couldn't love him like the way that she was claiming.