blind to toxicity - minsung

chapter forty one

jisung was sat on the edge of his bed, softly crying with his head in his hands.

minho could tell he was trying his best not to be heard.

"jisung?" minho gently called as he walked into the room to kneel in front of him.

"oh, minho!" jisung's head shot up as he wiped his eyes "s-sorry, i didn't mean to be ignoring you." he turned away from minho, feeling annoyed with himself for how he was acting.

"hey..." minho said gently as he turned jisung back to face him, "can you tell me what's going on?"

jisung lifted his head as tears rolled down his cheeks.

"i sound too clingy though." he scoffed. "i just feel like i'm being selfish."

minho shook his head as he rubbed jisung's knee. "ji, you're the most selfless person i know." he smiled as he met his eyes. "now, what's wrong?"

jisung fiddled with minho's hand as he sighed.
"w-well for one i stopped jae going to parties. i was so happy i got him to myself for 8 days, but now he's gone out tonight i can't even be happy for him..."

minho watched as jisung rolled his eyes.

"i mean, im so paranoid something bad will happen so i feel like i shouldn't have let him go... but i'm being such a terrible boyfriend by thinking that."

he let out a choked sob as he was pulled in for a hug. it was killing minho to see jisung had completely lost sight of who he used to be.

"no, you're not, ji."minho sighed as he smoothed back his hair. "you're the most caring person i've ever met. you can't allow yourself to feel at fault for that." he pulled jisung back to look at his face "what are you afraid of?"

"w-what if he gets h-hurt? or drinks too much and gets into an accident?"

minho sighed. if won-jae were to get hurt that night, minho wasn't sure that jisung would ever be able to forgive himself.

"have you tried calling him?"

jisung shook his head, "he texted me saying he'd got there alright, but that was the last thing he said almost 4 hours ago...i don't want to ruin his fun but i'm just so worried, minho."

"i think you should try and call him. it might put your mind at ease." minho suggested. "i'll wait outside, you just come get me when you're finished. but remember, i'm only outside if you need me."

he stood but jisung was quick to grab his hand. "no you stay here." he said as he stood up. "i'll go in my mum's office, i couldn't ask you to have to stand outside."

minho knew arguing was futile so nodded. jisung gave him the best smile he could manage before squeezing minho's hand and walking out the room.

minho sat on the bed and placed his head in his hands, pressing his palms to his eyes to try and stop tears from falling.

it was breaking his heart to see jisung like that- nothing like the boy he had become friends with all those years ago.

the relationship had changed him in so many ways. it was hurting him, along with the rest of the group as they could only sit back and watch.

jisung would constantly apologise for everything he deemed 'his fault'. he was terrified to upset people as his boyfriend had gradually caused him to be so cautious of how he acted.

minho took a few deep breaths as he stared at the glow in the dark planet next to jisung's nightstand he had taken from minho's room.

right now, the last thing he needed was to cry in front of jisung.