la douleur exquise🌙

Prologue

"Not every moon,
belongs to your sky."

***

Outside the window, it's a bit cloudy. The sun is nowhere to be seen and the dark clouds are blocking any light from reaching the ground.

Maybe the view outside represented what would occur today. To me. To us.

Empty bottles are scattered on the floor. The table is filled with empty glasses. And the smell of alcohol from last night still lingers in the living room.

My eyes lowered onto the couch as I let my fingers run over the soft fabric, the myriad of memories it holds froze me for a moment.

My frame trembled as thoughts flooded my mind. I can feel my heart tightened in my chest. My cheeks burned with shame. I couldn't have wanted that. Not even in the deepest drunken recesses of my mind. Waking up with him and not my wife lying in the bed next to me.

If you asked me what happened last night I wouldn't be able to tell you. I could only recall the feeling of waking up- as if my soul has been taken out of my body and put back in the other way.

And she witnessed everything. The woman who stood there, now paused at the doorway. The woman I loved, did love, and would always love...

Not that I ever revealed that emotion. Only the passion with which it was expressed. The emotion itself could never be acknowledged.

Because it's who I am... cool, composed, controlling, a cold-hearted bitch in the eyes of those around me. Deborah Ocean, who is not capable of love. The Ocean who doesn't do feelings. The persona I deliberately projected.

Raised by parents who let me witness a toxic and broken marriage. I've seen misery and emotional wreckage as my parents struggled through a divorce.

And falling in love with the wrong man just made it worse. I've seen his betrayal in front of my eyes and it completely shattered my dream of love, of happiness. Until I met her. Lou Miller. She's that moon, my light in the darkness.

The two of us made our lifetime vows three months ago. In an attempt to escape an arranged marriage set up by my father, we entered into this contract marriage.

But now she's here, in front of me. Placing the envelope on the table separating us. The divorce papers. "I guess you knew what this meant. I've signed it," her words are whispered. "I just... can't do this anymore, there's no more reason anyway." Unable to hold eye contact. Tears threatened to spill from her ocean blue eyes.

I froze, like a statue. I can't breathe. Self-loathing screamed in my ears. This was a mistake. Everything that led to this moment as if... As if it was one big joke. It just made no sense.

I took a shuddering breath before a sob escaped my lips. My knees gave way and I crouched on the floor. My back was shaking as I cried.

Then it was gone. My light. I had accepted. I had had to accept, that it was all over. She left—

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A/n: ~English is not my first language so apologies for all my errors and shits.🙆‍♀️