Lover

Kabanata 4

"Ang sungit sungit akala mo ang ganda," Bulong ko habang naka-tingin sa unahan.

Paano ba naman kami hindi magdadabog. Wala daw si Professor Vargaz tapos siya pa ang ginawang substitute ni Prof. Ano dalawang beses namin siya makikita ngayong araw? Obviously... Kastigo ng utak ko.  Ang ganda-ganda ng umaga ko tapos nalalaman ko na nandito ang alter ego ni Elsa.

"You can openly share what you are mumbling about, Miss Constantine." Malamig na saad ng masungit naming Professor.

"It is nothing, Professor." Saad ko. Ako naman ay tinaasan lang ng kilay bago ako irapan. The nerve of this woman.

"Purposive is also a minor subject yet you are this competitive. But when it is Ethics I feel like no one is with me." Seryosong saad nito na parang na-offend how competitive my classmates during the recitation after Miss Vargaz told us na magkakaroon ng recitation and quiz.

"You are scary kaya," I whispered. Nagulat na lang ako noong ma-realize ko na napalakas ang pagkakasabi ko. Lahat kasi sila naka-tingin sa'kin. Puta. Hindi naman ako na-inform na pa-hell pala ang drama ko. Sarap magpalamon sa lupa. She is fucking glaring at me. What to do?

"Hmm... I am scary, okay. Not something I don't know." Sagot naman nito. Feel ko malapit na akong mamatay. Pakisabi na lang sa lahat that I am happy with the life I lived. Sana lang huwag ma-post ang awkward pictures ko after ko mamamatay.

Tahimik lang ulit at nag-proceed siyang magturo ng next topic namin sa Purposive.

After mag-bell siya ulit ang Prof. Nakita ko naman na hinubad nito ang blazer niya at uminom sa tumbler. She looks expensive. Ang ganda, pwede na gawing model ng mga beverages. Yung tipong pang-expensive wine ganon.  Tapos naka-kalat mukha niya sa edsa kasi nasa malalaking billboard siya.

Nagulat naman ako noong magtama ang paningin namin. Malamig lang niya akong tinignan. I can feel myself getting the chills while maintaining an eye contact with her.

Her deep lazy coffee brown eyes were staring deep into my soul. And feel suddenly shy under her gaze. I never felt this way before. I Ruelle Constantine. I am used to people looking at me as if I am their world. Then this person will only look at me as if I am goddamn nothing? The fucking disrespect.

Ang mga kaklase ko namang lalaki ay nakaka-inis ang tinging ibinibigay sa kaniya. I fucking hate them for staring at her in perverting manner. I cannot just yell at her and told her not to dress like that because she can pull of everything. And she is wearing a damn decent clothes. Sadyang mga utak manyak lang ang mga taong ito. I fucking hate them to death.

And why the heck I am even complementing this person? She damn cold and hot at the same time. Wait, what?

Kasasabi ko lang e.

“I will give you five minutes to settle down.” She said flatly while looking around my blockmates na kanina pa magulo at maingay. Tila hindi na natinag sa masungit na Professor sa unahan.

“Get your Textbooks. Read from page 12 to 18 for thirty minutes. We will have a recitation drill. To those who will fail to answer my questions will be marked absent and will get sinco in my class. Let's see if your noise is worth it for the recitation.” She said with authority. Nagpulasan naman silang kumuha ng mga textbooks nila. After niyang sabihin iyon ay iniayos niya ang kaniyang laptop at nagsimulang magtipa. Habang kami naman ay abalang iniintindi ang mga nakasulat sa libro. Namayani ang katahimikan at tanging air-conditioning system, pagtitipa niya sa laptop at tunog ng mga pahinang lumilipat ang maririnig sa room.

After 30 minutes ay tumunog ang kaniyang phone na nakalagay sa lamesa sa unahan na gumulat sa amin. Agad niyang pinatay iyon bago itupi ang kaniyang laptop at graceful na tumayo mula sa kaniyang pagkaka-upo. At kinuha ang index card na maayos na naka-stack sa lamesa.

“Cantello,” She called at tumayo naman agad ang kaklase ko.

“What is the difference of norms and mores?” She pitches her first question. Damn, it was an easy one.

“Norms is something you can break and you will not be subjected to any possible crime. However, you will be ridiculed by the society for how you acted. While for Mores you will be in prison if ever you will try to break it. Which means it is related to law and governance.” He answered nervously. She just nodded and gesture him to sit down.

“Fuentabella, why do we need ethics?” She asked.

“Because it directs the society in a certain standard that is morally accepted. It helps people to create boundaries that relates to governances and abiding to certain rules.” She said confidently while Professor Villafuente just nod and gesture her to sit down. And most of the guys who started playing around is now marked absent and sinco in her second major recitation drills.

“What is moral and how is it related to ethics, Constantine?” She asked while looking at me, as if reading my soul. It sent shivers to my spine. This woman is making feel things I never felt. The last time I checked I am freaking straight but why this woman is making me question it now?

I am nervous. Damn it.

“Moral is defined and subjected to what is universally recognised as right and good. Ethics comes in that influence how Morals will be applied. They are twisted together to create boundaries for how human being will act or what standard in life they will be considering with their lives. Example of it would be, Even the thought is right but the deed is wrong and it is still not acceptable. We overanalyze everything and little things mattered in both.” I said trying to mask my stiffness. I am the last one she called.

Most of my blockmates survived her damning twisted question.

I am about to sit down when she cleared her throat.

“Did I gave you my permission to sit down?” Mataray na tanong nito at ako naman ay kinabahan at umiling.

“I have a follow up question,” She started at ngayon pa lang parang gusto kong mag mura dahil ang unfair. Isang question lang sa iba kong kaklase pero sa'kin may follow up? Nasaan ang hustisya?

“In Ethics do you think it is fair? Why or Why not?” She asked while writing something in every index card.

“It is not fair. Ethics is subjected to criticism even Ethics itself is a critique of how humanity will function for how it is. Because as we progress, things are changing. And change is inevitable and constant. We have to always adjust because the system will rot if we will not change. And that's also one of the flaws of Ethics for it is never-endingly fair to majority and unfair to minority.” I said while trying to be firm with my thoughts.

“And you are a product of Ethics, Constantine.” She replied and gestured me to sit down.

“To those who got sinco and marked absent in my class, do better in my next drill. To those who survived my drill, keep it up. Tomorrow we will just discuss few things and we will be doing an actual presentation for something. And class dismissed. Constantine, stay behind.” She said emotionlessly. While gathering her things. At mukhang nakabawi na ang lahat dahil tapos na ang hell time.

And as for me, dasal-dasal na muna tayo.

Ni-google ko kung anong mangyayari sa'kin kapag namatay. At walang lumabas bukod sa afterlife at reincarnation.

Life update: Hindi naman ako namatay.

***

“I didn't like how you acted during our session a while ago.” She offered while walking towards the table and clearing her things.

“I apologize for what happened earlier .” I said easily. Trying not to be in so much trouble dahil ako lang din naman ang mahihirapan kapag napunta ako sa bad side niya. I know that she is a professional and won't do something out of her own whims but she can be overbearing when she is off the mood na iniiwasan natin dahil damay-damay kapag wala siya sa mood. Kahit ang higher years nagdadasal tuwing moody siya. Dahil baka maghimala daw ang langit at hindi niya hirapan ang ambush at drills niya na talaga namang nakakasama ng loob in general.

Pero iyon nabuhay naman ako dahil walang imik na umalis ito dala ang gamit niya at hindi na ako tinapunan ng tingin.

Salamat sa Diyos!

***

A/N:  Missing you guys so so much. Errors ahead and Happy Holidays, lovelies.