Lover

Kabanata 53: Daylight

And you think, I don't get lost in the idea of how lucky I am to have you?

***

The first time I saw you sitting in my class, I know you will be someone that I would loathe with my very and soul and bones. Because that's what I can afford that time. Since, It was easier to hate than love.

And you are shining... You are yellow.

Whenever you are not looking I stare at you thinking where I started getting things right because you are still in my arms. I battle from the murmurs and screams of my inner demons because I want to be good to you.

Don't you how much it consumes me knowing you could be there with someone else's arms having the love and warmth that you deserve?

Because I am afraid to love you less than you deserve. So, every night when you are asleep in my arms. I stare at you, picturing life ahead of us. Because those thoughts were not cruel than what's the something that lurks in the shadow.

You kept insisting that you love me more... But I don't think so. I love you as much as you do. But I bite my tongue from screaming on top of my lungs because it would be too much to keep you... Knowing I am harder to love.

"What's with the stare, mahal ko? Are you okay?" She turned to me with a worried expression. Her eyes connect with mine, intently looking for answers to her questions.

"I am because you are here now." I said honestly and I saw how she bit her lower lips and avoided my gaze. Her ears and neck were now in a shade of wine.

"I love you, Ichi." I whispered as soon I hugged her tighter.

I am afraid that if I let go, it will be over forever. I would spend my eternity telling people how great it is to be loved by Ilyich Ruelle Constantine. And how beautiful it is to love her.

With no pretentiousness but honestly and vulnerability.

"I vow to always choose to love you when I don't understand you and you are harder to love." She smiled softly while caressing my face.

She rested her forehead to mine while hugging me tighter but later kissing my nose and temple while whispering her hushed 'I love you's under her breath.

Mas naging clingy ako sa kaniya when we settled on the couch. I am sitting on top of her lap while devouring our ice cream while playing 'Harry Potter' just because it's classic.

I watched her laugh while her eyes twinkle when Hermione Granger appears on the screen. I don't know silly jealousy not until now. I would literally get jealous to fictional character? Hermione Granger really!?

"Who is prettier Hermione Granger or me?" I asked her while her eyes remained on the screen.

"Ikaw," She replied without sparing me a glance. Ako daw but she is still looking on the fucking screen.

"You are lying. You don't even look at me like that." I pouted and I heard her booming laugh her warm eyes were now looking in mine while she is still laughing.

"Of course I don't look at you like that. Because every time I would look at you everything fade in the background and I could stare at you for hours but still find it amusing and ethereal because it's you. So, of course, I don't, Attorney." She replied while smiling at me.

"So much for a sweet talker." That's the only comment that slipped in mouth. She just laughed and kissed my temple before looking at the screen again. And how the hell should I feel jealous when I have this amazing person beside me? The someone who always assures me that it will be okay. Her voice louder than self-doubt. I really thought I am harder to love but she is right there loving me as if it's like breathing air.