Jagged Embrace

Chapter 28 - Maeve

Ander sat and opened his laptop. Maeve moved to sit beside him. She wanted to work on the spreadsheet a little before Will got back. He had been right. She was beat from today, but it was only seven, and she preferred to stay awake for a few hours after that. Ander's hands hovered above the keyboard before he turned to her.

With pinched eyebrows, Maeve leaned closer to Ander. He stilled as she reached for his hand and flipped it over.

She inhaled sharply. "Ander, you're hurt! I don't understand. When did this happen?" 

She'd only taken a shower, a longer shower, but not long enough for something to have happened. He averted his eyes and grimaced. Maeve pulled his palm up closer to her face and bit her lip. All of his fingers were red and burned, with blisters forming. He didn't pull away from her, but stiffened under her examination.

"What happened?" she asked again.

"I am not injured, well not-" he paused.

"It looks like you're burned." She drew a shaky breath. A hazy memory of his brand on his chest flashed in her mind. Oh god. She swallowed hard to settle her stomach, but didn't pull her eyes away from his hand.

"We..." he began, but stopped again. "It is not as painful as it appears," he finished.

Her eyes snapped up to his face. Maeve's mouth dropped open when she processed his words. "You did this on purpose..."

He shifted under her gaze but didn't deny what she'd said.

"Why?" she choked out. Why would anyone burn themselves?

"Our duty requires various sacrifices."

Her views widened. She couldn't believe it was necessary for all the Soldiers of Night to wound themselves intentionally. Maeve shook her head. It couldn't be right.

"Soldiers of Night travel all over the world and destroy monsters. Often, there is neither the time nor the ability to be certain we have gloves before engaging. This helps keep us under the radar of the authorities," he explained.

Maeve shook her head again. "They can't expect you to do this. It's mutilation..."

"That is one point of view. Often, there are many things soldiers, not just in the Soldiers of Night, but other military branches, have to endure that could be viewed as abuse, mutilation or unethical in the name of duty."

Her hands shook as she reached for his other hand, carefully avoiding the forming blisters. "Why does everything in your lives have to be so painful? It isn't right," she said, more to herself than to him.

"Life is a series of painful events webbed together by sparkling strands of a spider's web, beautiful but they do not last - the pain does." He stared at the wall.  

Her eyes flicked to his lean face. Is that what he really thought? She'd touched his soul. There was despair, but also hope. "Do you really believe that?"

He shrugged. "The pain, whether physical or otherwise, has been the most consistent piece of my life. Everything else fades with time."

"Not Will. He's still with you."

"He is part of the pain; a treasured part, but still part of a larger wound." He moved his gaze to her. "I do not mean that the way it sounded."

"I know." She moved closer to him. "I hate that you feel that way, that I'm reinforcing it without meaning to," she mumbled.

"You are not causing-" he started.

"Yes, I am," she cut him off. "Don't say nice things to me to make me feel better."