human heart | neteyam

twenty

S'MORE

"I heard from tsireya that your family is here seeking shelter," noxta's soft voice lingered as she talked. she had neteyam's full attention. while I had felt irrelevant - we were on the beach a little bit before dinner. they had been talking for hours while I had just sat here and half listened to whatever they were talking about.

"yeah, my father thought it was best for us to come here," he responded to her. I just twirled my fingers in the sand not knowing where I could come in the conversation. "I also heard that you two are together, is this true? a human and a na'vi, how unique," I heard neteyam sniffle a laugh; not knowing how to answer. I hoped he would not say the wrong thing, I hoped he would say yes it is true. "oh no, we are not together," his words caught me off guard. was he serious? oh yeah, we've just slept together countless of times but we weren't together. "we are a different species," he continued on. did he not know how to shut up? he just kept on talking. I could feel my heart break into a million pieces. why would he deny us? deny our love.

I stood to my feet - feeling physically ill. "I am going to go see if dinner is ready," I gave them both a weak smile. noxta could sense that my attitude had changed and I could tell she felt bad as to what he had said in response to her. I'm sure she meant no harm, it was neteyam who had answered wrongly. she was just asking a simple question. "do you want me to come with?" neteyam asked as he began to stand to his feet. I put my hand on his shoulder to stop him. "no I-i'm okay, stay here," my voice cracked. I had hoped he didn't notice, I wanted to get away from him. "s'more-" but I didn't let him finish before walking away, leaving the two of them alone.

so I made my way back to the hut not daring to look back at them. I couldn't bare to see them smile at each other. tears ran down - I wanted to scream. I looked into the mirror that hung crooked against the hut wall, that tsireya had made me. who was I kidding, I could never have him. Jake was right, I am not na'vi. I am human, noxta would be a perfect mate for him. this is what he deserves - he deserves to be mated properly. even though it would feel like getting stoned alive.

I took off my oxygen mask; throwing it in the corner of the hut. "you are a fool," I pitied myself. I ripped off the na'vi clothing that hung on my body - tearing it to shreds. tears streaming down my face. I dug into my book bag and grabbed out the closest thing to human clothes I had, which consisted of a short tank top and shorts - and put them on. I looked back into the mirror; slowly putting my mask back on my face. and without hesitation I punched the mirror causing it to shatter into pieces.

in response I immediately winced in pain - the glass cutting my knuckles. I didn't want to look at myself. "oh my child!" neytiri caught me off guard as she came rushing in the hut; seeing blood on my hands. "why did you do such a thing?" she grabbed my arm to sit me down; examining my hands. I just looked down not wanting to answer. it would be too embarrassing. "you can tell me," she grabbed a warm cloth out of a bowl of water, calming dabbing in on my wounds. I let out a sigh. "it is neteyam," I spoke softly. I heard her suck in a breath at the fact she had to talk to me about her son.

"what has he done?" her eyes looked into mine. "has he hurt you?" my lip quivered at her words and I couldn't control the tears that began to pool my eyes once again. she just quickly pulled me into a hug. she knew I didn't want to talk about it so she didn't push me to answer. "you know, when love hurts the worst it can ever hurt. that is how you know it is real," she murmured. "love is not easy. it is hard, that is how I know you have a strong heart. you love my son, even more than yourself," her words sent chills through me. "and he loves you. real love does not begin until you have felt the hurt of it," she pulled away from our hug and put her hand up to my chest. "see, strong heart," I weakly smiled at her.

she wrapped a bandage around my hand before kissing it. "all better," she smiled. "thank you," and I pulled her into another hug.

-

a few hours later

-

I sat in the corner of the hut as everyone ate dinner. I wasn't hungry, I had no appetite. so I just took time to myself to fix the pieces of clothing I had ripped up. "come eat," lo'ak tried to get me to sit with them. I shook my head. "I am not hungry," he just sighed. "you're never hungry," I laughed at this. I had hardly eaten since we'd arrived here. kiri smacked him in the arm  and made her way over to me. "I will help you," she grabbed my bottoms and began fixing them. she had known about what had happened earlier. only her though, the rest were oblivious.

"I can always make you more clothes," she offered. I smiled up at her. "I would love that," neteyam finally entered the hut for dinner. since he had not shown up yet - he was late. "where have you been boy?" Jake questioned him. but he just looked at me; worry in his eyes. I quickly looked away not wanting to look into his eyes for too long. I was still upset with him and even more now since he had been late to dinner because he was spending time with noxta. I just sighed at I could hear him sit down with the rest of the group.

eventually it was time for bed. this time I had laid alone, wanting to have thinking time. "here, I saved some food for you," tuk snuck up behind me; whispering. I sat up a bit and took the plate from her. "thank you, tuk," she smiled at me before making her way back to her own cot. I quietly ate the fruit she had handed me since everyone had fallen asleep already. after I was done, I sat the plate down next to me and laid back down.

"s'more," I heard neteyam call to me and almost immediately I felt him behind me. he brought his hands around my waist to cuddle me in a spoon position. I didn't want him touching me, so I moved forward causing his arms to fall from my sides. "I'm sorry-" I interrupted him with a sigh. I didn't want to hear his fake apology. he knew what he was doing when he answered noxta with almost no hesitation. " I do not wish to speak to you," I murmured. I could hear his heart break at my words but I didn't care. because when it came to mine, it didn't matter. I felt him brush a piece of hair behind my ear before softly kissing my head. "okay," was all i heard him say before making his way back to sleep.

-

a/n

awww so sad.

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