human heart | neteyam

twenty-seven

s'more's pov

I hated this. I hated being alone. I was going insane - why was everything so confusing? maybe, this was for the best. I could't depend on neteyam for my happiness. I had to let him go. "so, what color do you want?" noxta snapped me out of my thoughts. we had been hanging out a lot more since neteyam and I ended things. it had been a few days after the fact. I no longer felt weird around her - I actually found her to be great company. she was putting color streaks in my hair; trying different looks."I have green and purple," she spoke softly.

"um, i'll do green," I finally answered. she gave me a warm smile before grabbing the green paste from the bowl and laying it out against parts of my hair. I was going to start loving myself - give myself that break up glow. noxta knew what had happened. I had told her everything, which is also how we had gotten so close. we had talked all night about the situation.

"wow, coloring hair without me?" tsireya peaked her head into noxta's hut with a smile on her face. noxta and I rolled our eyes playfully. "I remember when you let me cut your hair. it's grown a lot since then," she added on - taking a step inside. my hair had grown on the way to the middle of my back already. I smiled at tsireya's words.

"yes I know, it's crazy," I agreed. tsireya's lips finally pursed and I knew where this conversation was going to go. so I took my gaze away from her. "reya, please-" but she cut me off.

"I just want to make sure you are okay, you know I hate seeing you so sad," I could feel her gaze on me so I decided to turn my attention back to her. I sighed at the fact I let him change my mood so drastically. I despised myself - for how much I loved him. how could I love him anyway? he was na'vi, I brought this upon myself. our love was bound to end in heartbreak. it was just a matter of time. "you are my girl, remember?" she crouched down in front of me. I looked into her blue gazing eyes as I felt a smile creep onto my face.

"yes, I am your girl," I mocked her playfully. I heard noxta snicker from behind me as she still applied the paste to my hair.

"maybe, you and neteyam can still be friends," noxta butted into the conversation. I hissed at the thought of even being around him - it would hurt way too bad.

"that's not possible, it would be way too difficult," I told her truthfully. I couldn't be friends with him. it would be like falling for him all over again. I wished we never did it - I wished we never loved it and I also wish I never fell so in love with him to the point I can't even form the words to explain it. If I couldn't love him, then I would teach myself to hate him - force myself to. I wanted to get to the point that when I'd look at him I would be able to feel absolutely nothing. "from now on I don't want anything to do with him. I don't want to hear his name, see him, feel him, nothing," I ranted. they both agreed with my statement.

"I'm sorry I brought it up," noxta murmured. I sighed and laid my hand gently on her's; letting her know it was okay. I felt her body stiffen at my touch but I had gotten used to her being jumpy - it started not to faze me. I just laughed and the two of them joined me.

"ugh, I hate boys," tsireya rubbed her hands against my knees; playfully. "they are boring and mean," she looked up at noxta. "girls are better," she gave her a wink. I knew what tsireya was hinting at so I softly smacked her. she giggled; rolling her eyes. "just kidding," noxta stuck her tongue out at her in response. my heart felt full right now - happy. I felt... okay. this was okay. this moment, this time, them. my girls.

I had wished kiri were here to join us but she was still recovering from her episode. so I understood and decided to give her as much time as she needed. "okay, all done," noxta stepped back away from me. "let's go to the water so you can wash the excess off," she grabbed onto my hand and lead me outside the hut - tsireya following along.

I could see neteyam from a distance as he looked at us from his families hut. I saw a sly smile on his face - like he was admiring me from afar. it made my heart burn. the way he was leaned against the door entrance. I could still feel his body under my finger tips and it drove me crazy. I broke my gaze from him before I could think anymore and quickly dipped my head into the water. I wanted to stay submerged under the water forever, it would be peaceful; quiet.

I heard loud splashed from above me which caused me to shoot my head up. my eyes were met with lo'ak and tsireya splashing each other. noxta had an annoyed look on her face. I just laughed. "lo'ak stop!" tsireya squealed as she tried to run from him but he just wrapped his arms around her waist; engulfing her body in his. it made me smile fro them - seeing them so happy. It made me miss neteyam. I sighed, watching him gently put her back down onto her feet before kissing her lips with passion. it made my stomach churn. I remembered this all too well.

when you got those butterflies in your stomach around the one you love. the way the first kiss felt when you'd been craving it since the first time you laid eyes upon them. then the hard reality of when you finally lose them, time goes by the slowest its ever gone - like it enjoys seeing you suffer in silence.

or when it rains and you have to imagine that it's him touching you because that's the closest you'll ever get to him again. I knew love could hurt but I didn't think it would hurt this bad. I would have never done what neteyam had done to me - I would never do it to him.

I felt noxta's arm snake around my shoulder - she noticed how I had gotten silent. I looked up to meet her gaze and gave her a weak smile. she understood me. it made me wish I had gotten to know her sooner. I leaned my head against her as we watched lo'ak and tsireya continue to play in the water. maybe this was how my life was supposed to be.

a life that didn't consist of neteyam.

-

a/n

i'm thinking about doing something crazy with this book... but i'm scared y'all will hate me for it.. LOLLLL

also extra chapter for y'all because I just love you! <3

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