One Shots

Paying Attention ~ Kurtbastian (Glee) Part 2

On getting to Sebastian's house, Kurt realized that his parents wouldn't mind because they weren't home and wouldn't know. Despite that, Sebastian led them to his room. He put his school stuff away before sitting on the chair by his desk. Kurt hesitated but sat on the edge of the bed.

After some awkward silence, Kurt spoke up, "Sebastian?"

"Yeah?"

"You, uh, you wouldn't..." he struggled to get the words out, feeling embarrassed. Sebastian stayed quiet, letting him say what he wanted to say. Eventually, he got out in a barely audible voice, "You won't tell anyone, right?"

He looked down, finding great interest in the carpet on the floor. Suddenly, he felt the bed dip next to him.

"Kurt." He glanced up at the sound of his name. "It's not for me to tell. I'd recommend that you talk to your parents about it or look into seeing a therapist, but I wouldn't share that with anyone."

Kurt flinched a little at the mention of his parents. Sebastian had seen it but didn't want to draw attention to it and make Kurt uncomfortable.

"M-maybe I could talk to Ms. Pillsbury..." Sebastian was glad to hear that Kurt didn't completely reject the idea.

"Yeah, that'd be a good start."

Kurt let out a quiet sigh. "It's just me and my dad, and we're not very close. I don't think I could...I can't talk to him about...stuff like that."

"I'm sorry." Sebastian put an arm around his shoulders in a side hug. Kurt leaned into the touch and rested his head on the other boy's shoulder.

"Times like this make me miss my mom. She would understand better."

"Can you visit her?"

"At the cemetery."

"Oh." Sebastian's eyes widened a little bit. "Oh, my god. I'm so sorry, Kurt. I had no idea."

"I know. It's not like I publicly announce to people that my mom is dead." Kurt let out a dry laugh.

Sebastian gave his shoulder a squeeze. "How long has it been you and your dad?"

"Almost ten years." Kurt felt a tear fall. "She died when I was eight...but sometimes it feels like it was yesterday." Sebastian stayed quiet, not too sure of how to comfort someone who's grieving. Kurt continued in a strained voice, "Does it make me a bad person that sometimes I wish it was my dad instead of my mom?"

Sebastian paused for a moment, considering the question. "I wouldn't say the thought automatically makes you a bad person, especially if you were closer to your mom than you are to your dad."

"I just can't be the son he wanted," he said barely above a whisper. He felt more tears fall and shut his eyes. He was mentally kicking himself for admitting that. He wasn't supposed to let anyone know about his situation at home—he felt too ashamed to say anything. So why did he feel comfortable enough with Sebastian to tell him?

Sebastian moved back on the bed and brought Kurt with him. He leaned against the headboard and sat Kurt in front of him. He placed his arms securely around his waist, so Kurt's back was pressed against Sebastian's torso. Kurt cautiously rested his hands on Sebastian's and relaxed into the touch. Once they were situated, Sebastian asked, "What makes you say that?"

"When he found out he was having a son, I don't think he was expecting someone so gay and feminine, who lacks the capability of caring about sports and all that dude-bro stuff. He wanted a mini-me, and he basically got the opposite."

"Has he told you that?" Sebastian almost gasped at the thought of a parent being disappointed by something their child can't control.

"Not in so many words. But he's always making off-hand comments that he knows are offensive."

Sebastian rested his chin on Kurt's shoulder. "I'm so sorry."

Kurt ignored the apology. "Knowing my way around a car doesn't make me enough of a "man." I joined the football team last year to try and convince him that I could be a normal guy who likes sports. I pretended to date a girl for like a week to try to convince him that I was straight. I dressed in flannels and baseball caps and listened to Mellancamp to show him that I could be like him. But I'm not and I can't. And I wish my mom was here to tell my dad that their son is perfectly fine as he is and to tell me that I shouldn't have to change for anyone." Kurt hadn't expected to confess all of that to Sebastian. But there was something about the boy and the way he was holding Kurt that made him feel like he could talk about this problem. To end his rambling, he gave an explanation of what went down earlier, "And sometimes my dad's words and actions and my thoughts and every other shitty thing in my life are too much to handle, and I just want it all to end. I figure if I...if I died, it'd all stop and maybe I could be with my mom again."

"Obviously, I'm not your mom, but you don't have to change for anyone. You have no idea how much I'd love to talk some sense into your dad. You don't deserve all the hate you get from him and people at school..." Sebastian noticed Kurt's breathing had evened out. He glanced at the boy's face and saw his closed eyes. Kurt fell asleep, but Sebastian continued in a low voice, "I notice that you don't get treated right at school. I've seen how your friends isolate you at times. Sometimes, I want to join you guys and go off on all of them for hurting you so blatantly and not noticing. I wish you had real friends that didn't confuse bullying for ways of expressing love. I was too much of a coward to approach you. I should've talked to you anyway. Starting now, I won't be too scared to say hi or talk to you in class. I'm sorry I couldn't before."

Sebastian, if you asked any of his friends, would be considered confident to the point of arrogance. But in reality, it's a persona he puts on for them. They don't truly know him. No one does. He doesn't want them to know him. He's too scared to show his true self and get harassed for it.

And then, there's Kurt, who Sebastian has always looked up to in all ways except physically. He's so unapologetically himself, not caring about other people's perceptions of him. He lets comments roll off his back. On top of that, he's intelligent and snarky in a way that not everyone appreciates. But Sebastian does. He's always paid attention to Kurt Hummel.

Now, he's seen another side to him, the side that no one has seen. The one he doesn't want to show. Because under all his confidence about who he is, he's just as insecure as Sebastian. The comments do get to him, but he doesn't let it show. With what he's seen today, Sebastian realized that he and Kurt aren't so different after all.