Lisa – 11 years ago
The secrets and lies are really starting to pile-up and it's starting to wear me down. I love Jennie but, her reluctance to come out is getting to me. My friends openly talk about their relationships, gushing about boys that only last a week or two. I want to scream that I'm dating this amazing girl but she can barely say the word lesbian out loud. We've been together for over a year now. It's making me feel uneasy still being in the closet.
My friendship with Rosé is suffering as well. I used to do everything with Rosé, she's my best friend, but now I find myself splitting my time between Jennie and Rosé. With Jennie having the upper hand. I know that Rosé would understand that I want to spend time with my girlfriend but being in the closet has resulted in me lying to her. I'm struggling to keep my story straight with her. Ha... straight, there would be no issue if that was the case.
Rosé being the best friend that I know and love, finally got to a breaking point the other day and called me out on my bullshit.
"Of course, you're still my best friend and I know that I don't deserve it, but please give me a little more time. I promise I will explain myself, I just need more time." I begged her while fighting back the tears. It's killing me, not being one hundred percent myself, yet at the same time I'm scared to come out. I'm scared that I'll lose Jennie if I come out.
Jennie listened to my rant and after a few tough days where we barely talked, I came up with a middle ground. I would come out but she was not to be mentioned. The argument was tough but we got through it. We talked about how I would tell everyone and we decided that it was best if I didn't tell her when I was about to do it. That way she could look as surprised as everyone.
I hated arguing with her.
A week later and we were all gathered in the sixth form canteen. Nobody else was in the small room so I thought this was as perfect a time as ever.
"Do you know what I think is wrong, assuming everyone is straight. Assumptions are bad right, so everyone should confirm their orientation." I start.
Straight away George picks up on my topic, leading it down the path I hoped that he would take.
"You're right. Guys, I have something to tell you." he says, taking a calming breath before his big reveal. "I'm straight, I hope you can all accept me." He finishes, ending with a little smile.
"You are? I thought I was the only one." Rosé jumps in, playing right off George's lead.
"Umm, guys, me too." Hanbin smiles. He turns to Jennie, motioning gently for her to take her turn. She hunkers even further down in her seat, taking a bite of her sandwich, her eyes pleading with me to help. Time to end the fun and lead them to the plot twist.
"I'm gay." I say.
Suddenly they all go quiet. After a few looks between each other, Rosé laughs, "Yeah, good one Lisa."
I smile wanly "Rosé, I'm a lesbian."
"Wait, this is real?" George says, serious for once. I nod, while pulling in my lips for good measure.
My heart races through the silence.
"Hottie Lisa as my gay best friend." Jada yells.
"Nuh uh. She's my best friend." argues Rosé.
"Some best friend you are, you didn't even care enough to call dibs."
"I shouldn't have to; I should automatically get first pick. And seeing as this makes no difference to our friendship, I'm not letting her go."
I smile while taking in the argument around me. My body relaxing like I've just put down a five-ton weight. My eyes prickling slightly.
Hanbin nudges me. "Only been out for two minutes and you already have the girls fighting over you."
I chuckle nervously at that. This scene is definitely not like that, plus with my girlfriend sitting right there, it's not like I can enjoy that thought. Not that I would, even if Jennie wasn't there, I'm not that type of girl.
"You've hooked up with any girls yet?" George asks with a wiggle of the eyebrows.
"I'm not telling you anything that can be added to your spank bank, you pervert."
The group gasps at that, he's not deterred though. "Come on, give us something."
"All... I'll say is that I'm punching." I say, catching Jennie's eye briefly and seeing her frown. The boys all cheer and start playfully shoving me back and forth, guess I'm one of them now in their eyes. Suppose there are worst reactions I could have had.
"What does that mean?" Amelia asks.
Hanbin jumps in to answer. "It means she's punching above the belt. In other words, her girlfriend is much prettier than her."
I'm trying not to look at Jennie too much, don't want to draw attention to her. When I do manage to look at her, I see her blushing from my comment.
The best thing about my friends is that this wasn't dragged out. After a few minutes of questions, the conversation took a different path and the fact that I'm gay is now just a part of life.
Jennie catches my eye a little while later and mouths 'Are you okay?' I nod, then get into full miming conversation. Mouthing 'at first', followed by tapping my hand to my chest rapidly. Then I whisper, pantomiming wiping a sweaty brow. She shakes her head back and forth with a smile. Fully used to my antics by now. Today went well and hopefully in time, I can help Jennie come out.
