Lisa
"Do you want to know my opinion?" Bambam asks when I finish reminiscing.
"Okay, let's hear it."
"I think as long as Jennie remained closeted, your relationship was doomed to fail."
"I don't agree."
"Lisa, you are out and proud." He argues. "I understand that the two of you were still new to your sexuality but your relationship is a big part of your life, you shouldn't have to hide that. Knowing you, you would have wanted to tell the world."
"She wasn't ready, so I respected that."
"Understandable, but you came out because you were tired of not being yourself, yet you were still keeping a big part of yourself secret."
"Okay, fine, I'll admit it. I did resent that she wouldn't come out and admit that we were together. She said she loved me but she still didn't want to tell anyone about us. Why wasn't I enough to help her come out? You're right, I wanted everyone to know."
Is that what he wants to hear? I never felt like I was good enough for Jennie.
I thought that if she saw me come out and see our friends' nice reactions, that would help her feel more confident. Whenever I tried to bring up the conversation of her coming out, she would shut me down. I'm not even sure if I ever heard Jennie say the word lesbian.
"I don't think it was a matter that she didn't love you, I would say it's more a matter of getting too comfortable with your dynamic. Fear putting you both in a stasis."
"You know, I keep forgetting you have a psychology degree. Why didn't you get your Masters again?"
"For the same reason that you didn't pursue your degree, the job called to me. I don't need my degree to know that you're deflecting though, you have a habit of doing that when you get uncomfortable. I'll take the hint though and leave it there."
"Thank you." I say, "So, what is it that you wanted to tell me tonight?" Ha! Talk about deflecting, this whole night was about him wanting to tell me something but instead he turned the tables on me.
"Oh yeah, that. Umm, you know I've loved living with you all these years."
"But you're moving in officially with the missus." I say cutting him off with a smile.
He smiles guiltily. "That obvious, huh?"
"A little. Will there be a ring any time soon?"
"I may have one, but I want us to live together properly for a few months before I ask her."
"Wise choice, good sir. I'm happy for you, the two of you are great together. Of course, I'll miss your cooking but I think I'll manage."
"Thank you. Lisa, you deserve to be happy too. If you're thinking of pursuing your ex, make sure it's what you actually want now and not some teenage desire to tell people that you're together. And with that, I'll say no more." He says taking the plates away.
