Jennie – 12 years ago
Exams were over and while I was nervously waiting for results, I found I had a big distraction to focus on instead. The kiss that I shared with Lisa was still very much on my mind. We hadn't talked about it since.
Nobody else had brought it up either. Really that should have been the end of it. They all had a laugh together and have moved on. Yet, I can't move on.
Any time my mind was left to wonder, it went straight back to that day. I think in time I could move past it but something else, or I should say someone else, confuses things in my mind.
Lisa seems to be finding ways to be alone with me.
I could just be reading into things. Maybe we're just hanging out as per normal but I'm more sensitive to her now. All we do is talk after all. Yet there seems to be an underline current between us. My body is buzzing when she looks at me.
For the past few weeks, I've had exams to focus on. Can't try to process the fact that I seem to be attracted to a girl because of exams. Now that the exams are over and I have no excuse for my pondering mind. I think if I knew how she felt, it would help but then I would have to admit things to myself and we're back to square one.
Jada had called a girl's day; the boys were firmly instructed to leave us for the day. The plan being town then all over Jada's house for a sleepover. She had the biggest house which worked out best for when the five of us got together like this.
We'd all dropped off our overnight bags at her house this morning and were now heading into the cinema. Somehow, I was leading the group so I ended up with the seat against the wall. I sat down to find Lisa in the seat next to me.
My heart raced.
I'm stuck. With the wall on one side and Lisa on the other, what do I do? And what does the smile she just gave me mean?
The girls are all talking as we wait for the lights to drop but I'm focusing on not having a panic attack.
When the lights do dip, I thought for a minute that I had blacked out. Then I feel something touch my hand.
Jumping slightly, I look down and see Lisa's hand hovering over mine. When I look up, she's talking to Rosé who is sitting on her other side. None of them are looking my way. Then I feel her lightly graze my hand, pulling my attention back down. As I watch, she turns her hand, palm up, begging without words to be held.
Checking once more that no-one is watching, I take a chance and place my palm in hers. Interlocking our fingers.
With a gentle squeeze, she sits back, propping her feet on the seat in front of her. A warm giddiness flushes through me.
Today should be fun.
