Jennie – 10 years ago
It's a sunny day in June and with our exams over, a few of us have arranged to hang out together. Mainly it's Jada, Rosé, Hanbin, Lisa and I. We'd been here for about an hour, simply sitting out in the sun on a big open field of grass near town. Jada, Rosé and Hanbin decided to take a walk into the town centre to get some drinks and food. Lisa and I on the other hand decide to stay put.
When the others have disappeared through the trees. The two of us shuffle closer. I don't openly cuddle into her, like I so want to do but we lay next to each other, holding hands while looking up at the sky.
"What does your ideal future look like?" Lisa asks, while turning to look at me softly.
Taking a moment, I wonder how honest I have to be in my answer. The truth of the matter is that with the exams done and dusted, it is just a waiting game to the end of our relationship. We both know about that, we both agreed to it and we are both trying to pretend that it's not happening.
"I suppose I would like to be happily married with a nice house."
"Kids?"
"Yeah, at least two. I always wanted a sibling; I think that's why Hanbin and I became so close. If I have kids, I don't want them to be alone."
"Do you want them close in age or they have an age gap between them?"
"A few years maybe but not too big a gap. If I have children, I want them to grow up together, so that they are close."
"Yeah, I can attest to a twelve-year age gap not bringing the closest of bonds. My older brother had moved out before I could even identify who he was." Lisa says. She'd told me about her older brother, he'd left for university at eighteen, met a girl and moved in with her after he graduated. He visits but they are not as close as Lisa would like.
"Any job in mind?"
Again, I take a moment to think. We've talked about my future career before but neither of us have found one that we're aiming towards. "Still no clue what I really want to do, I just want it to be something that I enjoy. I know that there is no job in which you truly enjoy it all the time but I would like one with more good days than bad."
"I understand what you're saying."
"Well, that's my dream, what about yours?"
She gets a glint in her eye. "Mmm... Me? Well, that depends on you."
Okay, if that cheekily glint in her eye didn't make me nervous, that reply definitely did.
"What depends on me exactly?"
"Well, you did say that you wanted to be married. So are you thinking that you will be married to me and sharing my last name?"
In my dreams, yes, very much so. Yet how can that future be true? Suddenly the deadline is like a shadow blocking out the sun.
"Hey..." she says while propping herself up. "Don't think about what's coming. You know, I'm pretty sure that I failed all my exams." She says, while tracing a finger delicately down my cheek. "Are you okay with dating a girl who has failed all her exams and follows you to university?"
How I wish that was the case but there is no way that Lisa hasn't passed.
She smiles goofily down at me, bringing me out of my short funk. When I don't answer, she pulls the face that never fails to make me laugh. With her eyes crossed and her tongue poking out. I crack up laughing and see her beam before giving me a quick peck on the lips.
"I love you, Lisa." I whisper.
"And I you. Always you, Jen."
She looks at me with such affection that makes me think she fully believes every word she says. How I wish we had a future together.
