Jennie – 10 years ago
As prom night got closer, Lisa dropped at lot more hints about wanting me to come out of the closet. The more obvious the hints became, the more I resisted until prom night arrived and we'd all decided to go together as a group.
Everyone met at Jada's house for pictures and the limo. I arrived with Hanbin and could feel Lisa's eyes on me before I even knew where she was. She stood with the others, wearing charcoal grey trousers, a crisp white shirt and a charcoal waistcoat. A royal blue satin pocket square adds a bit of colour to her entire ensemble.
Seeing Lisa in her suit has my heart racing but it's the lustful look in her eyes as she drinks in my body that sets my veins aflame. When she unconsciously licks her lips, I want to say screw it and march over there and kiss her. Then Hanbin touches my arm and I remember that all our parents are here as well.
No, I can't do it, I can't come out. She must see the fear in my eyes because she nods solemnly before engaging Rosé in conversation.
After we've eaten, well attempted to eat, the three-course meal, the dance floor is open for business. Lisa, Hanbin and Mark go to the bar for drinks while the rest of us keep possession of the table.
"Rosé, what's going on with Lisa and her girlfriend? She never mentions her and I thought she would have brought her to prom." Amelia asks, making me freeze in my seat, wondering how Rosé will answer.
"Honestly, I don't know much myself. As far as I know, they are still together but her girlfriend is still not out."
"It must be hard for her having to keep that secret." Jada says.
Under the table I pull my phone out and text Lisa for help.
"From what I can tell, Lisa would like to go public with the relationship, but she really loves this girl, so she puts up with this whole secret thing."
"So, she hasn't told you anything about this girl?"
"No." Rosé answers. I sigh a breath of relief and look to Lisa. She smiles when she looks down at her phone but that quickly dries up. Her head pops up and instantly finds me. Grabbing her drink, she makes her way back across the room to our table.
"How long have they been together?" Amelia asks.
"About a year I think."
Actually, it's closer to two years than one at this point, but I'm not going to correct them. Lisa arrives then and takes a seat like she doesn't know what they were just discussing.
"So, what are we talking about?" she asks, calmly.
"Oh, not much. Come on, I want a dance with you." Rosé says.
Lisa blinks in surprise. "You do realise it's a slow song?"
"I can slow dance with my best friend if I want to, now come on."
Lisa looks around the table as if looking for back-up but I know what she really wants is my blessing. When she catches my eye, I nod. With that, she stands up.
"I'm leading." She says to Rosé. "And I don't want any frisky business. I know what you're like." She jokes. And with that I'm watching my girlfriend dance with another girl.
Could I do that? Pretend that it's just a friendly dance?
Then I remember how it feels like to dance with Lisa. We've done it a few times at the beach. There was nobody around, just us, the waves and music on a phone. We definitely stood a lot closer than she is with Rosé right now. I like to rest my head on her shoulder and just follow her lead, knowing that I'm safe in her arms.
What am I thinking? I can't dance with Lisa tonight. If I did, it would be like wearing a massive, blinking light sign, telling the whole world that I'm in love with her.
No, I can't dance with Lisa.
