Dear Mother,
I know I'm not the picture of your perfect daughter...
I'm just the one you got stuck with.
I'm sorry that I let you down again and again...
Over and over.. and time after time...
All I can say is that I would understand if you gave up on me;
I think it would be best if you did...
Because who wants a deadbeat for 21-year-old kid?
Dear Father,
There's a lot we need to talk about...
Why did you leave? Did you even want me? Was it because of me?
Why didn't you say goodbye when you left? How could you just leave me with your mother? Did you ever truly love me?
All I wanted was to be a daddy's girl...
But that's kinda hard to do when you kept pushing me away...
Dear Big Brother,
I don't even know what to say to you.. but I wanna know why...
Why did you hurt me.. make me suffer and burn silently inside?
Thanks to you... I doubt not only myself but my lover as well...
And I hate myself for it...
Not to mention the things you said to cut me down.. to hurt me?
I now call myself those things.. and things that are a lot worse every single day...
Everyone I know says I need to learn how to love myself, but I can't... I'm afraid to...
You made me hate myself so much, I don't even care about what happens to me anymore...
Because I hear your voice and mine telling me that I'm not worth it,
Not worth anything at all...
Dear Little Brothers.. all 5 of you,
I'm sorry I wasn't the sister that you wanted or needed...
I wanted to do better, be better.. but I failed at every turn...
I failed all of you, and I'm so sorry.. to every one of you.
Dearest Friends of Mine...
From the new ones I made to the ones I lost contact with...
And everyone in between... I'm sorry to all of you as well...
I'm sorry for not saying anything, even if you knew something was wrong or not...
I didn't know how to open up to anyone.. truth be told,
I'm still working on it.. after everything else in my life, I don't trust easily... but that's not your fault; not your problem to fix...
But that's why we have friends.. to help us fix our problems,
Right..?
Dear Lover, my only true love,
From day one all you've done is love and appreciate and support me
But I can't hide or escape or run from the fact that I'm broken...
I try so hard to be strong all day every day... in every kind of way...
But you made me see that I'm not...
I'm not strong enough to allow myself to break...
I'm just so sorry that I'm so weak and so broken
I hope and pray and wish and dream.. that I'm enough for you...
Dear My Younger Self,
I owe you a gigantic apology... I hid you inside me...
To protect you.. from the evil in the world...
I wanted you to keep seeing the magic and wonder around you...
Now I see that I only trapped you... buried you... alive.
I hurt you... burned you... broke you... lost you.. and for what?
For this hollow feeling that grows more and more every day?
I so sorry I locked you away and dimmed the brightest parts of you, of us...
Dear Future Self,
I owe you the biggest apology yet... I'm sorry that I'm scared.. terrified of becoming you...
I understand that no one knows what happens in the future,
But that's no excuse... I'm afraid to live just as much as I am of dying
How do I move forward when it's like I'm always in the darkness?
I'm sorry to everyone... I'm sorry I came out wrong,
And that I'm failing to be the person you wanted, and needed, me to be
I tried my best to be her.. but it only made me suffer...
Can't you see that I'm still trying my best to be her.. even though it's breaking me?
YOU ARE READING
The Hidden Darkness
PoetryI honestly don't know what to put here.. I decided to write a book, and so I wrote these poems. I know that they aren't very good, but at least I tried.. right?? 😅😅😅
