The Hidden Darkness

Was I Not Enough?

He said he fell for the girl he saw when we met..
But what if I'm not her anymore.. what if I never was?
I dress up and play different versions of myself a lot..
What if he loved a version that doesn't exist anymore?

He also said that he only wanted me.. no one else..
But he fell for 2 others.. while still holding on to me.
First it was Jane.. and then it was Ava.
It hurt to hear him say "I love you" to anyone but me..
It hurt so much that I could barely breathe most times!
I'm sorry if it sounds like I was jealous or possessive or clingy..

I know I'm not perfect.. but for just a little while,
I thought that I was enough for him..
I know it would've hurt him tremendously if I did this to him..
He probably would've gotten mad at me and leave me because:
"What's his, is his and he didn't like sharing!"

But since I'm an actor and played many different mes, I don't know which one is the real me..
The only thing that matters is that every piece of me wanted him to be happy..

And just thinking that I fucked up so badly that he found "options".. really fucking hurt!
And since he has options.. did he even need me?
Did he even want me anymore? Was I still useful?

I knew that I couldn't be his only priority.. I knew there were things that were more important than I was;
But did I still have value to him.. or was I worthless?

I wanted to be more than enough..
Whatever drove him away, I wanna hear it.. I want the truth.