The Hidden Darkness

Scars From My Shards

Everything I touch doesn't just crumble and fall,
It disintegrates.. turning to ash and dust.
It withers down.. turning to rust,

I don't touch anything good, so it doesn't break.
Yet, I blame myself when things break,
And I apologize for everything..
Even if it's not my fault.

But, you know what?

I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.. I self harm.
For any reason.. I don't need a good one.
You wanna know how I do it?
Or how I don't leave any scars behind?
It's because I mentally self harm.

I scream and yell at myself for every little mistake;
I beat and break myself for saying the wrong thing;
I call myself names for overeating, or for not eating at all.
I burn and bruise myself for oversleeping, and for not sleeping at all;
I criticize myself over my art and poetry,
"it should be better.. it needs to be better; so do it better!"
I shame myself for anything and everything I do.
Doesn't matter if it's good, bad, or just okay.

So whatever you do or say to me.. it won't hurt me,
Because I hurt myself worse than anyone else can.
Day or night. 24/7. 7 days a week. 365 days a year. Every year. My entire life.

But the thing is; I'm used to it.

I'm used to the pain.. used to the tears.
Used to the mental marks.. used to the fears.
I'm used to picking up shards of my shattered soul.

Used to the painful echoes in my hollow shell.
I use the broken parts of me.. that's why you can't see them.. all of my scars are etched into my heart.

Scars.. from the shards of my brokenness.