If you were to get to know me, you quickly get tired of hearing these phrases:
1. "I'm sorry."
I over apologize, and apologize when something happens even if it's not my fault.. I'm sorry if I say "I'm sorry" too much
2. "I don't know."
Even if I do know, I'll say I don't. It's because I second guess myself a lot.. I don't wanna be wrong, so I say "I don't know"
3. "I'm trying."
I feel like I'm failing at everything I'm doing, but at least "I'm trying."
4. "I'm fine.. really I'm okay."
Even if I'm not, I'm always fine. I don't wanna burden anyone, so yeah.. "I'm fine.. really I'm okay."
And 5. "I'm just tired."
I know that I'm not okay, and you know that I'm not okay.. but I can't explain to anyone what's going on, so I say "I'm just tired"
What no one understands is that I wanna open up..
I want to stop pretending that I'm not dying inside,
I need to stop masking and bottling everything I feel,
And I wish that I could drop these walls around me.
But no matter how hard I try to stop this cycle..
The mask stays on, The walls stay up,
And I keep acting like I'm fine..
So I tell myself these 5 things to keep everything in.
1. "Just push through the mistakes.. no one cares; they don't notice anyway.."
2. "Just do what everyone is doing.. it doesn't matter if you know what's going on or not.."
3. "Just keep trying.. you're gonna fail and fall, so just keep trying anyway.."
4. "Just ignore the pain.. you're fine; you don't feel the pain anymore anyway.."
5. "Just push through the exhaustion.. you can rest when you're dead.."
Because at the end of the day,
I only have myself to rely on..
I'm the one that's holding myself together.. just barely.
YOU ARE READING
The Hidden Darkness
PoetryI honestly don't know what to put here.. I decided to write a book, and so I wrote these poems. I know that they aren't very good, but at least I tried.. right?? 😅😅😅
