I am a soldier.. only, I'm not actually a soldier.
I'm not in any of the military branches,
Nor do I have any kind of training.
But I'm still a soldier.. I'm a warrior..
I am a person fighting to survive.. to stay alive!
According to some, the Bible says something like:
'God gives his hardest battles to his strongest warriors'
So I ask him "when did I enlist for an endless war?"
I ask, "when did my mind turn into a battle field?"
21, 20, 19, 18, 17, 16, 15, 14, 13; as I count down the years,
Mentally retracing my steps.. I slowly come to realize.
I see it now.. that I've always been fighting for my life..
I never noticed, because I created worlds in my head..
Worlds that blocked out anything real or broken..
And now I'm fighting on both sides of the war.
One is fighting to live, while the other wants me to die..
And it scares me just how thin the line is between them.
As a result, I live like a zombie.. not alive but not dead
It's like i'm just barely existing..
I don't wanna die, but I'm also afraid of living.. why?
What's wrong with me..? Why don't I want to live?
The worst part is, I know why I don't want to die..
I don't wanna hurt the ones I love, so I live another day.
I have absolutely no idea why I'm afraid of living..
Why am I like this? Why am I so fucking broken?
I'm tired of fighting, but I refuse to give up..
So I exist as a lifeless soldier.. not alive, but not dead
YOU ARE READING
The Hidden Darkness
PoetryI honestly don't know what to put here.. I decided to write a book, and so I wrote these poems. I know that they aren't very good, but at least I tried.. right?? 😅😅😅
