When someone asks me if I'm ok,
I want to tell them the truth.. that I'm not okay.
That I have this never-ending pain in my chest,
And I don't know how to explain it.
It's like the more monsters I kill.. the more demons I lock away.. the more the pain grows day after day.
I can't take it anymore.
I don't want to end my life, but it's the only way to stop the pain..
-NO! I can't let myself go there, and I WON'T let myself think that way!-
Is there a way to end this pain, and stay alive?
No.. there isn't so I'll just smile..
I'll just smile til it's frozen on my broken face.
I'll just lie, and say I'm fine.
Until it's not a lie, til I really am just fine!
But instead, I just smile and say:
"Yeah... I'm fine. Why do you ask?"
I think to myself:
Did they see through my mask?
Can they see the pain I'm in?
Did all of the walls that I built up finally fall?
Did they finally see that the smile I wear is fake?
Did they hear all of the demons I locked away?
Did they see all of the monsters I slayed?
How dare I let this happen!
No one is supposed to know that I'm on the edge..
That I'm only hanging by a thin thread.
No one is supposed to know that I'm ready to let go.
-NO! I WON'T let myself think like that!
I already hurt everyone around me once..
Isn't that enough?
I don't want the ones I love to hurt anymore-
I want to tell them:
I don't know why I do this to myself..
I cut myself down.. til I can't cry anymore.
I beat myself up.. til I can't look at myself in the mirror anymore.
I yell and scream at myself.. til I can't breathe anymore..
And then I lock all of the pain away.. deep inside..
I push it so far down, until I'm almost walking on it.
Honestly, I've done this again and again..
So much so, that it is dragging me down with it..
Trying to drown me out.
I need to find a way to escape my own mind!
They just smile and say:
"No reason.. just making sure you're okay.."
I want to say:
No don't walk away.. I have so much pain!
I hide everything I feel inside,
And I have so much to say..
I can't take it another day
But I just give another fake smile and say:
"Oh, yeah. I'm fine, there's no need to worry!"
Even though I just want to scream:
"SOMEONE, PLEASE... HELP ME!"
YOU ARE READING
The Hidden Darkness
PoetryI honestly don't know what to put here.. I decided to write a book, and so I wrote these poems. I know that they aren't very good, but at least I tried.. right?? 😅😅😅
