After leaving his small hometown Evergreen Beach to live in the big city New York Nick's life changes drastically. Since starting on ADHD meditations Nick went from happy and funny to emotionless and rude. And as well as joining a very dangerous gan...
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Written: 7 April 2023. ________
I know I'm being abused. Truly I do. But I can't find it in me to speak up about it. Not only because I'm afraid but also because (as sick as it sounds) I love Papa too much to do it.
The very first time Papa abused me I couldn't even understand what was going on. Especially at such a young age. I was just a 6 year old after all.
Of course back then it wasn't as bad as it is now. It was only a small back hand to my cheek... I only cried and got over it. As a 6 year old I thought I deserved it. But Penny told me otherwise. She said I didn't. And that got me confused. Why would Papa hit me for no reason? I had thought.
But with age I understood that Papa had his reason. A good one at that. I took the only thing he loved away.
I entered the front door 15 minutes ago. He has already gotten in his first hit. I didn't even try to run when he turned his back and sat down on the stairs. Its no use. If I go up to the attic he'll just hit me twice as hard tomorrow morning.
He's sitting with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. Papa is still dressed in his suit from the day. I've never seen Papa in anything else. In fact I've never even seen him untidy. Papa is a clean man. His hair is always styled in the same style I know mama made him wear. And his suits are always ironed. He never wears a tie and always has his wedding ring on.
Papa is still grieving. After almost twenty years Papa is still grieving. And so am I... Because I didn't just loose one parent but I lost two.
"I know you broke the rules child! I saw a picture of you and June walking with a group of older men in a mall." His voice isn't close to calm or soft. His voice is filled with hatred, tiredness and pure fury.
"And a goddamn child! People can make rumours saying it's yours!" I flich.
"P-Papa they are my friends. They insisted I go out with them. I promise I was dressed well. Nothing showed and I made sure to look at my best." I say as I look down at my feet. Not daring to look him in the eyes.
He jumps up. "Don't lie to me child! You only have June! Those men aren't your friends. They're probably just using you for the one thing your good for! You whore. No one would be friends with you except for that brat Hendrick Brown likes to call a daughter!"
I want to step back as he steps forward but I know better. He'll hurt me more. With that thought in mind I stay rooted where I am.
He stops in front of me and pushes his finger in my face. "You're a lying slut! She would have been alive if you weren't born! I lost her because of you!" And that's all it takes Papa to say for me to burst into tears. And seeing my tears Papa starts laughing.
"I-I didn't m-mean too. I p-promise." I say sniffing as the tears continue.
