Love Maneuver (LOVE TRILOGY #2)

✭ LOVE MANEUVER 26 ✭

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Drino Wang

I could still feel my cheeks heating up just by remembering what we did. Ang saya lang sa feeling na makasama mo 'yong lalaking mahal mo, isinayaw ka, nakatingin pa sa mga mata mo. 

Ang sarap pala sa feeling na i-allow mo 'yong sarili mo to receive love.

Noong may naka-MU kasi ako, I felt like I caged myself into fear. Yes, that person made an effort to make me feel loved, pero mas nangibabaw sa 'kin 'yong takot na baka 'yong relationship na 'yon, it would lead to heartbreak. I didn't have the courage to risk. That risk of loving without knowing what you might experience. Kaya ang ginawa ko, I rejected it. I stopped it. I didn't give myself a chance to fully experience what could have been. 

I was coward to the point that I hated the idea of love. I blamed it to the idea of love. I blamed it to people na panay bato sa 'kin at that age, which I considered mga atat na atat at nakakarindi, na dapat may ka-relasyon na raw ako, as if alien ako or not normal or something 'pag wala pa 'kong boyfriend. They treated as a race, a trend, and even a necessity. 

Yes, I admit, I entertained that man partly because na-pressure ako sa mga taong nasa paligid ko. Not that I didn't like what I experienced after entering that relationship though. I was just coward. I didn't take full responsibility of my emotions. Instead of facing it, I ran away from it. I let fear overpowered me, instead of focusing in the power of love.

Looking back, what I experienced served a purpose. It taught me that people undergo in this love process. Na pagdating sa love, especially sa unang experience, walang perfect decisions. Tatanga-tanga talaga at first. Walang certainty na every love experience, eh perfect na agad. Wala pang maturity agad. The more we do it, the more we grow in loving a person.

But still, grateful ako sa experience na 'yon kasi nagkaroon ako ng realization. I learned how to slowdown. Na 'di ko kailangan magpadala sa societal pressure at manggamit ng tao just to make other people feel comfortable. Na puwede naman pala ako magmahal based on my own pace . . . on my own terms. Walang nagsasabi sa 'kin na ito gawin mo, ito dapat maramdaman mo, ganito ka ba dapat magmahal. I have the freedom to love which includes experiencing everything in love.

At dahil doon . . . nakilala ko si Mark. 

The more I experience it with Mark, the more I discover my love for him.

N'ong una, akala ko talaga kay Dexter ako mafa-fall. Like, seriously, sino pang aayaw sa lalaking 'yon? Complete package na 'yon, perfect na. Who would have thought na magiging instrument lang pala si Dex para makilala ko si Mark na laging nandyan in a different light? 

Gan'on pala sa love, 'no? Sa ayaw at sa gusto mo, may mangyayari at mangyayari pa rin. To the point na kahit may principles kang pinanghahawakan, pero 'pag talaga may dumating na isang tao, mababago agad 'yon. Na kapag naramdaman mo na, ayon na, drop everything, just be brave to risk . . . and love that person. 

Love is really complicated.

And I just know I have to move forward with love as my direction.

Nag-stay pa kami ni Mark doon to talk about simple things. Nakasandal ako sa balikat niya, nakaupo kami that time sa mga upuan na gawa sa kahoy. Kahit papaano, nakikilala na namin 'yong isa't isa. As days passes by, nagiging comfortable na kami to express our love. Which is . . . I like it that way. Gusto ko kasi 'yong idea na walang mapipilitan sa amin to do this or that like treating love as some sort of duty. Gusto ko na meron pa rin kaming choice to make a decision how to love each other genuinely and no outside influences. 

At kung meron man kaming gustong mangyari sa relationship namin, we have to have a mutual agreement. Siyempre, nasa isang relationship kami. Aside from individually, we still have to work as one. May need pa rin namang pag-usapan para hindi magulo or maligaw at may patutunguhan talaga 'yong relationship namin. Kumbaga, may basic foundation para hindi madaling mabuwag.