Journey (3)

Chapter 21

(author note: my biggest regret is not writing this thing in third person. every time i write a new chapter and i have to use the first person it kills me just a little bit😭) 

hailey- wrenn 

I haven't had time to think about what Ava so loudly announced, clearly for me to hear, but I don't know what to make of it. Every time I find myself trying to unravel that one sentence, I busy myself with working, going to check on a patient, helping Maggie input patient information into the system, even listening to Will rank his favourite movies in order just to keep my mind off whatever emotional land mine I may have just accidentally stepped on. 

That's what Will is doing now, talking continuously, while I let  my mind over-analyse what Ava said up in the OR. It must have been at least an hour ago, but my mind is still cycling over the same few words, like it is a broken record playing over and over. What's wrong with me?

"....no doubt it's a great sequel, but can anything really top the first...Tessa, are you even listening to me?" Will asks, snapping me out of my deep thoughts. To be honest, I haven't really been listening to a word he said. I didn't want to get too wrapped up in this, but it seems as though I am. 

"What? Yes, yes. Yes, I'm listening," I say, quickly. I'll have to guess what he said, something about movies, no doubt. That's where the conversation had landed, for some strange reason. I hadn't objected, as I was happy to take anything as a distraction from having to analyse Ava's words over and over in my head until I drove myself crazy. 

"Really?" Will asks me, sceptically. "If you're listening, then why exactly are you staring off into space?" He waves a hand in front of my face, causing me to startle. "You're zoning out," he tells me, as if I didn't already know it. "Am I really that boring to you?" He laughs.

"No, no, it's not that," I say, shaking my head. "Although, believe me, I don't think anyone would be glad to sit and listen to you rank every movie you've ever watched." I sigh, and roll my eyes. I'm not even sure how I got myself into this conversation. I couldn't even recall the name of one movie that Will mentioned. I guess that's not exactly something to be proud of. 

"Hey, I take offence to that," Will laughs, faking horror. He laughs, his humour instantly lightening the mood. This was the welcome distraction that I wanted, rather than his other favoured topic of conversation. Will stops laughing suddenly, studying me. "Tessa," he says, getting my attention. My smile fades quickly at his serious tone. 

"...What?" I ask him, but I don't even think he needs to clarify it. I have quite a good idea of what he's about to say to me, and I really wish he wouldn't. I wanted a distraction. So far, that hasn't exactly been working out too well for me. 

"Are you good?" Will asks me, exhibiting a friendly concern, one that I am fairly grateful for. It's nice to know that he cares. "It's just that you've been zoning out, and not to mention you seem distracted by something." Will sighs, shaking his head. "Wait. What's he done now?"

"Why does everyone always ask that?" I sigh, exasperated. It seems like all everyone around me wants to do is talk about Connor, and even more when I don't want to. I look at Will pointedly. "Is that just your go-to answer whenever I seem off?" I ask him, snapping without meaning to. I'm unnecessarily mad at him, so I make my voice softer. "Is that what you always assume?"

"Not always," Will confirms. "But let's be honest, a lot of the time, one of you is playing some sort of mind game with the other." He scoffs. "And guess who has to be stuck in the middle of it all? That's right, me." Will rolls his eyes, looking at me now, expectantly. 

"Fine," I say, shrugging, accepting defeat. I didn't want to talk about it, but the chances are that I'll end up saying something, to someone. I don't see any reason why that particular person can't be Will. "So...did Connor ever speak to you about the weekend? Specifically...I don't know...Sunday night?" I am not being very subtle with this. My casual questions are seeming more like an interrogation.