Journey (3)

Chapter 29

how many things- sabrina carpenter

"Tessa?" Natalie is in front of me, trying to get my attention. "You just zoned out for a moment there. Were you listening to anything I just said?" she asks me.

Truthfully, I wasn't. It had been about a day since the humiliating meeting in Ms Goodwin's office, and I was still going over everything that had happened. There was a lot to think about. 

"Yes," I say, nodding. "I was listening." I hope that it's convincing enough. Natalie raises her eyebrow, so I give in. "Okay," I admit. "I did zone out. What were you saying?"

Natalie sighs. "It doesn't matter," she says. "Really, it was nothing important." She pauses. "What's going on with you?" Natalie asks me. "You don't seem like yourself? Did something happen yesterday?"

"Just the usual," I say, shrugging. "Connor and I aren't talking any more, but I guess that's just normal for us now, right? Most of the time, that's the case."

"Wait, what?" Natalie asks me, confused. "You and Connor aren't talking? When did that happen? I thought that you two were good. That's the last that I heard about it. What happened between you?" She seems confused, and I realise that I haven't exactly filled her in on everything that's happened in the past 24 hours. 

"Like I said, it's just the usual," I tell her, with a hint of sarcasm to my voice. This is regular for us. "He's annoyed with me, we're not talking, just like it always is." I roll my eyes. "Just the usual."

Natalie looks as though she can't quite figure out what to say in response to that, and I really don't blame her for it. Eventually, she clears her throat. "Whatever happened, I know you won't be like this for long," Natalie reassures me. "That's how it always is. I bet, by the end of the day, you'll both be fine, and back to talking again."

"That's a bet that you're going to lose," I tell her, shaking my head. I know that it's not going to happen. "This was serious. More than a usual disagreement. I don't think we'll be talking for a while."

Natalie gives me a sympathetic look. "That's tough," she says. "But you really can't let it distract you. Try not to think about it, that's when you really get stuck down in the details. Try to distract yourself." It's good advice, for sure, but I just don't know if it's that simple.

"Thanks," I say, because that seems like the easiest response. "You're right. I won't think about it." I doubt that will be the case. I do tend to overthink these meaningless details, until they have cycled around and around in my mind countless times. It's a pattern.

I don't want to obsess over the details. I don't like that side of myself, the obsessive one. I just don't know if it's as simple as distracting my mind with working. I just don't know if that idea would work as well as Natalie had thought that it would.

"Trust me," Natalie says, with a smile of encouragement. I appreciate that she's trying to be a good friend. "You'll be back to how you were, in no time. You always are. This won't last for long."

I don't think that Natalie understands the gravity of this situation, but I nod anyway, because I do want her to be right. If this was a perfect world, she would be right. 

I walk away, towards Will, who is leaning against the wall, looking completely bored. He seems as though he is in need of some company. I walk over to him. 

Will looks up. "Tessa," he says, smiling. "I haven't seen you yet today. Have you been busy?" he asks me.

"Not exactly," I say, shrugging and standing next to him. I can't bring myself to describe the entire situation to Will. I exhale, leaning against the wall, like he is.