Journey (3)

Chapter 69

this is me trying- taylor swift

CONNOR'S POV:

After Maggie's conversation with me in the supply closet, I feel as though I can actually get through the day, and that I owe Dr Latham a huge apology.

Fortunately, it doesn't take me long to find him. "Dr Latham," I say, approaching him quickly. "I really need to say something to you."

"If you're going to tell me how it should be you in that OR and that Ava took that surgery from you, I would strongly advise against saying that. Like I said, I was the one that made the decision, and my decision was final."

"No, I know that," I tell him, nodding. "I wanted to apologise, for lashing out at you like that. Just know that none of that was directed at you. Thanks to Ava, I'm sure you know all about my...personal stuff."

"It's nothing to do with me, but yes," Dr Latham replies. "I have some idea of what you're going through. That's why I'm choosing not to take offence to you questioning my surgical skills."

"I appreciate that," I tell him, smiling. "Thank you. And starting from now, I'm going to start logging more surgical hours. You're right, I probably was out of practice, and Ava was the better surgeon."

"I'm impressed," Dr Latham says, suddenly. "You've just had a sudden change of heart. How did that happen?"

"I don't know," I say, shrugging. I don't want to tell him about Maggie and our difficult conversation in the supply closet. "I guess that I just realised some things. Anyway, I just wanted to apologise to you. I wasn't fair. It was your decision to make, and you made the right choice."

"That is very mature of you to say so, Dr Rhodes," he replies, giving me a nod of approval. "Well, I guess you should make a start on all of Ava's patient cases. Good luck with that. I have a strong feeling that you're going to need it."

I nod. He isn't exactly wrong. "Yeah, you're probably right," I tell him. "I'm just going to check in on the first patient now.

Dr Latham nods approvingly, and I walk away begrudgingly, not excited to tackle Ava's very long and complicated list of patient cases. Still, Maggie's pep talk put a lot of things into perspective for me, and I can't just walk miserably around the hallways of this hospital.

...

I don't see Tessa until hours later, and seeing her almost catches me off guard. It brings back everything from last night, the emotional confrontation which inevitably resulted in our relationship ending. It isn't a moment that I want to relive.

She looks visibly upset, and I realise that's how I must look to everyone else around me, too. My first instinct is to approach her, and take care of her like I'm so used to doing, but I can't bring myself to do that. This is final. Like I said, she deserves someone better than me and I firmly believe that.

Fortunately, I don't have to weigh the pros and cons of going over to talk to her, because Maggie suddenly appears behind me. "It's like you're stalking me today," I remark, looking behind my shoulder at her.

"Don't go over there," Maggie instructs me, firmly. "I'm serious. Don't ruin it. Don't go and talk to her, no matter how much you might want to."

"I wasn't going to," I say, but I know that I would probably have ended up doing exactly that. "But we are going to have to talk at some point. We live in the same apartment. That isn't going to work well if we're broken up now."

"That's a difficult conversation," Maggie tells me. "Save it for another day. You only just broke up, and that relationship meant a great deal to both of you. Just give it a day, before you start to think about the tough stuff."