Journey (3)

Chapter 48

the 1- taylor swift

"Tessa," he starts. "There's something I have to tell you."

I hold my breath, wishing that the next few seconds don't absolutely change everything. It has only been minutes since the kiss and already, so many things are different, so many new lines have been crossed.

"What is it?" I ask him, although I wish I didn't know. I wish it could go back to before.

"I'm going away," he explains. "For a month, with Kyla, to meet her parents, and...we're serious. This is taking things to the next level. It's a whole month."

"You're what?" I ask him. I still don't completely get it. "You're going away? Why?"

"I didn't want to tell you," Connor says. "But Kyla wanted me to go with her. I know it's terrible timing, but I'm leaving tomorrow."

"For a month?" I ask him, confused. This has just changed absolutely everything. "Why did you kiss me?" I ask him, trying not to sound too frustrated, but I'm also desperate to know. "Why did you say all of that stuff, and why did you kiss me?"

"I don't know," Connor says, shaking his head. "Tessa, I don't know what I was thinking, but that never should have happened. I'm going away with Kyla, and that's it. This never happened."

"You never said anything?" I say, almost shocked. "You just thought that you could kiss me and then leave tomorrow and be gone for a month, and just leave this whole mess behind!"

"No, no, that's not what I was thinking," Connor says. He seems stressed. "Let me explain. I never meant to kiss you, but the moment...I don't even know what I was thinking. I shouldn't have done that, it wasn't fair on you. But Tessa, I'm serious. This never happened."

"You're really leaving tomorrow?" I ask him, suddenly. "And for a month? That's a really long time."

"It isn't really that long," Connor says. "And yes, I'm leaving tomorrow, in the afternoon. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't know how you were going to react."

"It's a whole month," I say, in disbelief still. "How do you think I was going to react to that? A month."

"Kyla wants me to experience her hometown," he explains. "And I need a break. It's been busy here, and the hours are almost impossible. I'm being called in all the time to do emergency surgeries. I need a break, and it's just a month."

"The timing is terrible," I say, sighing. "You're leaving, with this door wide open and this whole mess. You shouldn't have kissed me. I can't believe you kissed me."

"Tessa, listen to me," Connor says, and he seems serious now. "This shouldn't have happened. You can't tell anyone about this. I mean it. No one can ever find out. This was a mistake."

"I won't tell anyone," I say, unsure why I make this promise to him. "I won't say a word. This never happened. We never kissed."

"Thank you," Connor says, although he still seems stressed about this whole thing. "I think it's best if we stay out of each other's way, at least until I leave tomorrow. In a month's time, when I come back to Chicago, we can revisit it. I just think...we should avoid each other...I don't know. I have no idea what to do."

"Stay out of each other's way," I agree, nodding. "Got it. I guess this is goodbye, at least for a whole month." I sigh. "I can't believe you're going away for a month, and I can't believe you never even said anything about it."

"I know, and I'm sorry for not mentioning it before, but I didn't know how to," Connor tells me. "Tessa, I don't want to hurt you. You know that, right? I don't want this to end badly. We can go back to what we had before."