Journey (3)

Chapter 71

author note: i'm so sorry but this chapter is just going to be kind of weird...because you knoww😭 so i'm sorry, there's no way to get around it. it's just a little bit depressing and a little bit weirdd this time around. still, i hope you enjoy and i promise there will be some happier chapters soon!

decode- sabrina carpenter

TESSA'S POV:

It feels strange to be alone in Connor's apartment, now that he is seemingly living somewhere else. I heard from someone that he's staying on Will's couch right now, and I don't know how to feel about that.

I'm planning to pack up my things soon, and find somewhere else to live. It's abundantly clear to me that I can't stay here anymore, now that Connor has ultimately decided to end everything. I'm not even bitter about it, just confused. He never explained his motivation behind it, although that was partly my fault for not allowing him a chance to explain himself.

The final blow came yesterday, when I overheard a conversation with Ava that he clearly wanted to be private. He essentially admitted his true feelings about everything- about the fact that our relationship was only ever meant to be temporary, and that it didn't even affect him when it ended. I guess that's why he just moved out without so much as a conversation. I guess he just doesn't care as much as I do, and that's more painful than I'd care to admit.

I think about calling him, almost every five minutes. He wanted to talk to me, and I wanted to hear him out, but I just couldn't. There's no excuse that could possibly make sense, after everything that I heard him say. He meant what he said, and I'm trying to come to terms with that realisation.

When he approached me in the bar, my first instinct was to walk right over to him, and to hear him out, despite everything. I wanted to push aside those stupid interns from Pathology, and listen to Connor's explanation, but I just couldn't do it. It was as if my mind was stopping me from making a bad decision, and so I just sat there, listening to him stumble over his words in an attempt to explain himself.

Today can't be any easier, and all I have to do is just get through it. I don't want to have to face Connor, and face an extremely difficult conversation that we'll be bound to have. All I want to do is just make it through the day, and then find somewhere else to go. I can't spend too long in Connor's apartment. That's what it is. It's his apartment. Not ours. Not anymore.

I have to just make my peace with that.

...

The first few steps into the hospital are fine, and for a moment, I think that everything will be fine. Until, I see Will. Whatever he could possibly have to say to me can't exactly be good, since he currently has Connor residing on his couch. I'm sure that they've been talking.

"Tessa," he says. "Hey. How are you doing, you know..." He doesn't finish the sentence, because both of us are well aware of the difficult situation.

"I'm doing fine," I tell him, knowing that he'll probably relay all of this information back to Connor at the end of the day. "We don't have to talk about this. It's okay."

"Look, I'm not taking sides," Will tells me. As much as I want to believe that, I'm having a hard time with it. I'm not quite convinced. "You know me. I'm neutral in all of this. I'm not on either side."

"Isn't Connor sleeping on your couch right now?" I ask him, although I'm already aware of the answer.

"Yes," Will tells me, nodding. "Yeah, he's sleeping on my couch right now."

"Then yes," I tell him, sighing. "You are taking sides. And that's fine. I expect you to be on his side, you're his friend. You're one of his closest friends, even."