Journey (3)

Chapter 44

making the bed- olivia rodrigo 

Last night was a mistake. That's all I'm thinking on my slow walk in to the hospital. Last night should never have happened. That entire conversation should never have happened, and I never should have reacted that way.

I am absolutely dreading having to see Connor, and I know that it's only inevitable. I'll have to see him, have to face him and face everything that happened last night. It's the last thing that I want to do, but I know it'll be bound to happen at some point. The only question is when?

I'm too fixated on reliving the events in my mind for the thousandth time that I don't notice Will standing right in front of me. "Tessa," he says. "How did it go last night?"

I hate that the first thing someone asks me is about what happened last night, which is the one subject that I just don't want to talk about. I don't even want to bring myself to face all that happened.

"It went fine," I tell him, shrugging, because I really don't want to get in to it. Now is not the time for that. If I'm being honest, I don't think it'll ever be time.

"Really?" Will asks me, clearly not convinced. "Because you made a face just then. Judging by that, I imagine that something happened between you. What was it?"

I've been told that I have an expressive face before. I hate that I couldn't cover it up this time. "Nothing happened," I lie, shaking my head. "It was just normal. Nothing happened between us."

Will looks as though he doesn't believe me at all, but he doesn't challenge me on it. Instead, he just shrugs. "Okay. I guess I misread things. I'll see you around. Here's a warning though, it's quite a busy day here already. You'll probably be working full-on until the end of your shift."

"Good to know," I say, smiling. For once, I am glad that it's busy today. More working means less of a chance for me to run into the one person who I specifically don't want to see. More work means less time to think, less time to relieve the absolute disaster that was last night. I can hardly believe that I reacted like that. It's not like me at all.

Will nods, and turns away. As soon as he turns away, I notice someone standing a short distance away. Connor. He's there. I quickly move away, worried that if I stand there for too long, he could look around and see me. Then, no doubt, he would want to have a conversation that would only be painfully long-winded and unavoidable. It was better for me to walk away.

...

Once I have begun my shift officially, and have been assigned a patient, I can finally get my mind focused on only working. That's one of the things I like about this. I can focus solely on my patient, rather than on everything else that runs through my mind. As I work, I find that I'm hardly even thinking about Connor. I'm not even ruminating over what happened last night.

I'm nowhere near over it. I still feel mortified, and I think I'll still feel that way for a while, but I'm relieved to be able to think about something else for a few hours.

I have seen Connor a few times, although it has only been from a distance. I have been avoiding him for as much as I can, without it seeming suspicious to anyone else. The last thing that I want is for everyone else at the hospital to find out what happened last night.

I'm just about to get assigned another patient as my previous one is filling out the discharge forms. As I walk over to the desk, Dr Lanik stops me. "Tessa, wait," he says, and I have no choice but to stop.

"What is it?" I ask him. "I'm just about to get assigned to another patient. I can't really stop."

"I know," Dr Lanik says, nodding. "That's why you're the perfect person for this. A car crash victim just came in. She's stable now, but the other person who was treating her has to leave. His shift just ended. I need you to step in."