Journey (3)

Chapter 39

author note: hi! so sorry for being inactive! i might be posting new stuff a little less than usual for a few weeks (just taking a break) but it will all be back to normal soon! thanks for reading and hope you enjoy!!

in my head- maisie peters

I stand opposite Natalie, who is sorting through some forms, telling me something about one of her patients. "...and I'm probably boring you now," she says, stopping abruptly. She looks up at me. "So, are you ready for this evening? The bar?"

I shrug, not really giving her a full answer. I still don't really know what's happening with that. I don't know whether I'm going, or whether I'm staying away, or whether I even should attend. I'm unsure.

"I don't know," I finally admit to her. "I'm not really sure. There was a whole complicated mess about whether I should even go, and I still don't know what's happening with that. The last thing I want to do is wreck it all."

Natalie looks confused. "Complicated?" she repeats. "I thought it was all quite straightforward. You are coming, right?" She seems hopeful.

Again, I shrug. I still don't actually have an answer for that. "I want to, but I just don't know," I say. "There was some kind of miscommunication, something to do with Kyla not wanting me there. It doesn't matter. I figured that if I'm going to make everything complicated, maybe it's best if I don't attend."

"I didn't realise that it was all that complicated," Natalie says. She pauses. "Did you actually talk to Connor today? I think you have to. There's no point in being indecisive about this. See what he says about it all."

"Normally, I would definitely do that," I say, nodding. "But it's complicated. He was going to talk to Kyla about it, and I know that he'll just tell me it's fine and that I should go. But I don't know if that's necessarily the right thing to do."

Natalie nods, understanding. "Why don't you just start with talking to him? If it went badly with Kyla, then there's your answer. Tessa, you need to talk to him." She says the last part firmly, indicating that I really don't have much of a choice. I know that she's right, anyway. I need to talk to him.

"I know, I know," I sigh. "I should talk to him. I bet he's probably around here somewhere. He usually is." I scan the surrounding area, and quickly find Connor, standing in the middle of a group of nurses. "There," I say, gesturing over to where he is standing.

Natalie nods, approvingly. "Now go and talk to him. You can't be spiralling about a decision that you don't even know if you have to make yet."

"Those are wise words," I remark, smiling. "But you're completely right. I should go over there." I wait until Connor has walked away from the nurses, before I approach him. 

"Tessa," he says, as soon as I get near. "I imagine you've also come over here to wish me a happy birthday." Connor rolls his eyes slightly, although he is still smiling.

"Not quite," I say. "But, if we are on that subject, happy birthday." I smile. "But I do actually have something else. About this evening? I don't really know what's happening with that."

Connor sighs. This is clearly not the conversation that he wanted to have. "I talked to Kyla. She isn't too thrilled about it, but she's fine with letting you come."

"I don't know if it would be the best idea for me to go," I explain. "And I really don't want to cause any more issues, but I was thinking about it. I really don't want to send the wrong message, or anything else." I sigh. "Just like you said, Kyla isn't too thrilled about me coming. Maybe I shouldn't."

Connor doesn't say anything for a moment. Finally, he speaks. "If that's what you want to do," he says. "But I would have been fine with you being there, and I know that Kyla would have come around to it eventually. I don't want to put you off coming."