Ciela's POV
After that night I couldn't face Lei anymore after I confessed my feelings in my life. It was as if I suddenly fell in front of him and let my guards down after I promised myself that I would not reveal my feelings and thoughts to anyone.
What if he uses my weakness against me?
Pagpasok ko ng room napansin ko si Lei sa isang sulok at natutulog.
Mukhang napuyat ah.
My classmates congratulated me for winning yesterday's contest before heading to our seats as our teacher had arrived.
Naglalakad ako sa hallway nang makita ko si Frank na naglalakad palapit sa akin. Natigilan ako.
Teka bakit siya naglalakad palapit sa akin?!
"Ciela." he deeply called me.
And heaven knows how much my heart went crazy hearing my name being called by him. Ang sarap sa tenga. Lalo na kung ito ay ung-
Gago!
"Congratulations for winning the contest." he smiled at me na mas lalong ikinadabog ng puso ko.
"T-thank you." hindi mawala ang malaking ngiti sa labi ko ng linagpasan niya ako. Nakita ko kung paano din mas lumawak ang ngiti niya.
Hala anong nangyayari?!
Ito naba 'yung sign para magconfess ako? Ito na ba ang moment na hinihintay ko upang simulan ang love story namin?!
"Ciela!" I flinched when somebody suddenly shouted my name as it echoed around the hallway. I turn around to see Nadia and Erora approaching me.
"Sorry pala if naiwan ka namin sa mall kahapon." mahinang sabi ni Erora.
"Ikaw naman kasi eh, bigla nalang nawawala. Naglalakad lang kami tapos paglingon namin nawala ka na. Kaya umuwi nalang kami, akala kasi namin umuwi ka para magbihis eh." mapang akusa na sumbat ni Nadia.
"Hindi, okay lang 'no!" pilit akong ngumiti sa kanila.
"Don't defend them. Kung ako sayo, malamang susubukan kong ilayo ang sarili ko sa mga taong iyon. Parang hindi sila totoong kaibigan para sa akin. Sa tingin ko kailangan mong maghanap ng mga bagong tao na igagalang ka at pakikitunguhan ka nang may kabaitan. You deserve people like that in your life, people who appreciate you for who you are and what you can give. So don't settle for less than you are worth, okay?"
Out of nowhere Lei's voice lingered through my mind. His reminder that kept bugging me last night.
"I'm sorry din kasi hindi ako nakasunod agad sa inyo." hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit kailangan ko mag apologize sa kanila kahit sila naman ang nang iwan. I don't know, it just felt like the right thing to do but part of me is yelling that it wasn't.
"Nabalitaan din namin na nanalo ka daw ng drawing contest. I guess congrats even thought it was just a lucky charm." sarkastikong sabi ni Nadia.
Napatulala ako sa sinabi niya. Was it actually just a lucky charm?
"So uhm, we have an assignment in math. Magaling ka naman sa math diba? Can you do it for us? May ano pupuntahan lang kaming importante mamaya." Erora pleaded me.
Say no, fucking turn down her offer.
"Sure!" nakangiting sambit ko na ikina palak pak nila bago ibinigay sa akin ang notebooks at iniwan ako 'dun.
I just stared at their backs as they slowly walked away laughing. Did I do the right thing?
But why does it felt like it's not?
Napabuntong hininga ako bago bumalik sa room. I need to do their assignments or they will get disappointed at me for not doing their simple favor.
I stretched my back after finishing their assignments. Tumayo ako at ipinasa ito sa math teachers nila.
Paglabas ko ng faculty nagulat ako ng makita si Freia na nag aantay sa labas.
"Did you just let yourself be taken advantage of?" tila iritado niyang tanong.
"Hindi ah! I just did them a favor." mariing sagot ko.
"Narinig ko 'yung pag uusap niyo and it doesn't sound like it. Ciela don't you see that they are taking advantage of you and you just let yourself please them! They're just using you."
"Its not like it! They are my friends and friends help each other!" depensa ko.
"Iba ang pagtulong sa mapakinabangan." mariing sabi niya na nagpatigil sa akin.
"I need to help them in order to not disappoint myself for not being a good friend." mahinang bulong ko.
"Ciela you have nothing to prove yourself. Don't seek for their validation towards you. Live for yourself." saad niya bago umalis.
Napatulala ako 'dun. Why do I feel like she was right?
"Damn, that was intense." nagulat ako ng biglaang sumulpot si Lei sa tabi ko habang sumisip sip ng juice.
Kabute ba siya?
"But Freia is right. Don't allow yourself to be taken advantage of." Lei muttered gently.
"You tend to please and put everyone's needs above your own. You can't always look after and accommodate others while neglecting yourself. It is not necessary to put yourself in uncomfortable or compromising situations just for the sake of others. Your well-being matters too. You matter." he pointed out.
I want to defend myself to prove that he is wrong about me being a people pleaser but something inside of me went out of words.
Mainly because he is right. I am a pathological people pleaser who only wanted to be acknowledged and appreciated.
"Here. Nabusog na ako sa aking narinig." aniya at hinagis sa akin ang isang juice at sandwich.
I was about to decline it when he immediately walked away.
Nagulat ako ng biglang nagvibrate ng cellphone ko.
I fished it out of my pocket and saw a notification.
Nadia posted a story on her instagram account.
I clicked it only to make me gasp.
It was her and Erora on the new opened cafe next town.
Suddenly I felt a lump on my throat. Bakit hindi manlang nila ako inaya?
It felt like I was left out.
I replied to her story.
ciela_xoxo: bakit hindi niyo manlang
ako inaya? :(
She immediately saw my message and replied.
iamnadia_: you were at school duh,
and we know na hindi ka
papayagan ni tita magcut
ng classes para sumama
sa amin. So we didn't tell
you nalang.
Napatitig lang ako sa message niya as I felt the world crushing down at me.
They could've just tried asking me out. I can beg tita to let me.
Or even if tita doesn't let me, they could've still tried asking me.
They just left me here doing their assignments while they enjoy there.
Pakiramdam ko ay hindi ako nirerespeto. Like they didn't care about me enough to text me and let me know na may pupuntahan sila.
Para bang hindi nila ako pinapansin o inaalis, at nasaktan ang aking damdamin. Pakiramdam ko ay inabandona ako at nasaktan, at marahil kahit na medyo galit.
It makes me feel like I don't matter, parang hindi ako worth the effort na mag-text kahit isang mabilis na message lang.
Napabuntong hininga ako.
Parang sinasadya nila, at sinusubukan lang nila akong saktan o galitin.
I am starting to feel like they don't really like me or care about our friendship, if they're constantly leaving me behind without a second thought.
I am doubting if Freia is right.
YOU ARE READING
You're Losing Me (Lost Hearts Duology #1) | ✓
Teen FictionCiela Lavelle Avila. A girl living from people's expectations and appraisals. Hiding beneath her mysterious mask and silenced thoughts. A pathological people pleaser whose been used and abused by her own friends. Not until she will meet a new set o...
