All For You

𝟑𝟕.

***

𝐈𝐳𝐚

Betrayal hurts like hell.

It feels like hitting rock bottom all over again. It's that sinking feeling in your heart that tears and rips you apart inside. The aftermath of it all is horrific too, it feels like the moon went down but the sun never came up after, leaving you in a long-lasting misery of darkness. For some, the emotions are clear on their face. The pain and rage of it all are just there, lying in front of you like a ticking time bomb ready to explode at any minute. As a matter of fact, I happen to now be one of those people.

However, there are some who aren't like me. There are people who try to not show any recollection of it but you can see it all over their faces that they remember every single detail of that moment. I personally believe they are the ones who are affected the most. They do anything to make it seem like they don't care but in actuality, the emotions are coursing through their veins, and they may do so for the rest of their lives. Every feeling that flows through them is so vivid and raw that they might catch fire and leave themselves burned for the rest of their lives.

I used to be one of those people.

I'm still trying to get closure and heal all my wounds but it's clear that not much healing is being done. As a matter of fact, I think the healing is reversing. The wounds have been freshly cut open with that little pocket knife Mum always carries with herself, she told me she carries it for self-defence but I never expected a blunt knife to do much. 

"Coke or Pepsi?" Satoru asked me, each can in his hand as he held them out to me.

I smiled, grabbing the Pepsi from him before opening it. Satoru clicked open his can of Coke, taking a seat next to him. "So is your mom always this much of a bitch?" He questioned, leaning back on the couch. 

I shrugged my shoulders. "She's an alcoholic." There wasn't much to her than that, frankly enough I didn't want to say much about her anymore. I'd given up on any hope I had for her becoming better, despite the idea she never gave the idea of improving to be an attentive mother for us. 

"How about before?" Satoru asked casually. "Before all those drugs hit her, and well you know Esira."

My lips thinned to a hard line, there was no way to really sugarcoat her story. "She abused my dad," I replied clearly and harshly, there weren't words enough to describe how much of a monster my mother really was.

"Did she abuse you and Aran?" Satoru asked, his voice bored as he sipped on his Coke.

I scoffed in reply. "Esira did well enough of that," I mumbled, under my breath.

Satoru didn't say anything as he turned on the TV in front of us, he rest his feet upon his trashfest table. It was swarmed with crisp packets, beer cans and all sorts of other food. I was half surprised there wasn't a smell in this room. 

It was nauseating to see this much of a heaping pile of garbage, along with processing the idea that he lives in this. 

"Is your mom not around to clean all this?" I queried, gesturing with my hands to the mess of his living room.

"Mom walked out after I came back from juvenile," Satoru mumbled back at me, turning his head toward me. "I hardly have people ever come over so I never clean."

I nodded my head reluctantly, my mind swarming with all sorts of thoughts from the word 'juvenile'. I wasn't sure if I had forgotten or whether he had never told us about him going to the juvenile centre. But suddenly I didn't feel all too safe alone with him.