Fire on Fire [L.H]

thirty-eight

 "Yeah, you're pregnant," Cara said.

      "What?!" I exclaimed loudly. I then chuckled. "Car, I'm pretty sure I would know if I was pregnant. And considering the fact that I've gotten no action since I've been in LA, there is an absolute zero chance of me being pregnant!" 

        "Okay, maybe you're NOT pregnant," Alexa said, emphasizing her words and looking at Cara. She laughed at Lexi. "I think you're in love." 

       "In love?" I asked. "With Luke?" 

       "Oh come on! Don't try to deny it!" She said. "We both know you used to!" 

       "I mean, she could be right!" Okay, sure, I had the feeling of loving Luke like along time ago, but that's gone now. I mean, I'm pretty sure! We've said a lot of horrible things to each other, and that always made me lose it. But, then again, the feeling I got everytime he'd stick up for me and defend me, it gave me a warm feeling. Ugh! Another reason why I hate this relationship! FEELINGS!

        "I don't know, guys!" I said, kicking my feet underneath the blanket on the bed. "I know I used to have some type of feelings like that towards him. But, he has said a lot of pretty shitty things in the past. I don't know if I've ever come back to that feeling since then," I admitted to them. 

      Alexa fixed herself in the for of my bed as she propped herself up onto her elbows. "Oh come on, you're telling me you didn't feel like you could have kissed him forever earlier today?" She asked. 

       "The feelings you described to us is literally what Diego described in Ice Age," Cara mentioned, who was sitting next to me on the bed. 

        "Oh, so now you're comparing me to a razor toothed cat from twenty thousand years ago?!" I retorted. She rolled her eyes at me. 

       "I mean if you see it that way," she said, causing me to roll my eyes. I threw my back into my stacked pillows behind me. 

       "What she's trying to say is, it's classic feelings to feeling intimate love for somebody," Alexa said. I crossed my arms over my chest. 

      "And let's face it: you're only mad because you know we're right." Cara was right about that. But the truth is, I don't want to love Luke. Not anymore. 

       "You guys don't understand," I said, fixing myself. "Luke told me the other day that he's glad we never dated because I'd regret being with him." Lexi's eyes showed sadness as she placed her hand on her head, holding herself up as she turned to look at Cara. 

       "Why would he say that?" Cara asked me. I shrugged my shoulders.

       "I don't know, but he told me to trust him on that feeling," I explained to them. "Now I just feel like I shouldn't even get the feelings of love for him anymore." 

      "Well, Deej, you can't just not love him because of that. Who cares what he says. And honestly, if you wanted to take that risk, that's you're responsibility," Lexi said. Well, she is telling the truth about that too. 

       "You can't not love somebody because they said you'll regret being with them." 

        "But that just makes me wonder: if I were ever tell him I loved him, would he even allow it to move forward from there relationship wise?" I asked. "That's almost not fair to me." 

       "You'll never know if you don't do it," Cara told me. For her being in and out of multiple relationships, she's gotten her heart broken many times. But she's always been the one to be upfront with her feelings. Even though she gets hurt in the end, everytime she's done it, she's had the best relationship experience until the end of it. Maybe I should take her side on this one.