Bad Habits ↠ Luke H.

2

[Charlotte]

It's been 100 days exactly since mom, dad, and Jude have been gone.

I'm still trying really hard to remember but I haven't exactly just yet. I'm taking therapy and taking some pills to help control my memories the day of the accident but it's not complete yet.

I've been having flashbacks all of a sudden but my therapist said that some of them could be false moments made up by my mind and others can be true. It still confuses me now. She's says that's why my pills are useful.

My therapist says that it's also a good thing that I don't remember what happened. That's how I wont get to much panic attacks and dwell on the past, and get anxiety attacks and stuff like that.

But i do want to remember.

I do want to remember the last thing I did with them before it all happened. Even if it causes me to go insane. I want to remember. I want to remember were we in good terms when it happened, what I did 1 month ago or even what I learned in algebra a couples days after the accident. I just need to remember to feel normal again. But I don't think that will ever happen.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when I here Jenni call my name from downstairs. I sigh and stand up from the floor, which I was sitting on and walk down stairs.

"Hey, um, Margo's outside for you." Jenni says pointing to the outside door.

I really didn't want to talk to anyone right now but Margo stuck around when no did after the accident. I can't just ignore her.

I walked outside sitting on the stairs bringing my knees to my chest, as she sat next to me.

"Hey." She smiled placing her elbows on her knees as she stared out at the streets.

"Hi." I say staring out at nothing.

That's how I felt right now, like nothing.

"How was the concert?" I ask bringing up a conversation to distract my running mind.

"It's was okay, I got to meet a band Member." Margo sighs. Isn't she suppose to be happy about that. I really don't know what band she went to see or who they were but she seems to always talk about them.

"And why do you sound like its a bad thing?" I questioned finally looking over at her.

"I did something really stupid." Margo shrugs looking back over at me.

"What?"

"I met a band member and we flirted after the concert and he asked me if I wanted to go with him to get full backstage experience so I agreed and then we got sexual and I sorta gave him a blowjob but then he moaned this other girls name so I freaked and walked out on him." Margo explained letting her face drop to her hands.

"That's a stupid move." I say staring back out at nothing. "But he's an asshole, you should of asked for a date or something, not give him a blowjob." I rolled my eyes even though Margo can't see me. I didn't have an expression in my voice like I usually did.

"I know but I love that band and I got stuck in the moment, but what hurt me was that he didn't even remember my name." Margo says a crack in her voice. Was she going to cry? Oh my god that band member isn't even worth her tears. If he really wanted to get to know her he would of asked her out, not say 'hey let's go to the back so you can give me a blowjob'. He must be a real asshole.

"Plus he has a reputation of sleeping with so much girls but I still didn't care because I didn't see him as a man whore, I saw him as my dorky idol that I had a crush on for such a long time." Margo finally looked up and thank god she wasn't crying. I don't know how to handle tears anymore. I'd probably walk inside, and shut the door on her. It sounds rude but that's the person I've become. I don't know how she deals with me to be honest.