Bad Habits ↠ Luke H.

16

[Charlotte]

I felt so pathetic since two days ago. That whole tantrum has screwed me over.

I haven't left my room, I haven't ate, I haven't been to therapy. I just want to stay in here forever and away from everyone.

What triggered me last time still runs threw my head. That stupid flashback has me fucked over. It makes me feel like I treated my family like shit and I hope it was just a false thought.

I also skipped my meds that day because they were needed to be refilled. I guess I am violent. My doctor said that it was good Luke was there to help me because if he wasn't, I could of ended up destroying myself along with everything.

I wanted to thank him but I couldn't find myself doing it. I was way to embarrassed to even look at him. I let my guard down and then he seen the other side of me, and I didn't want that.   I didn't want to be around anyone for that reason but he always finds a way to be there even though i don't want him to.

Jonah took a couple days off work to come and babysit me which was a waste of his time because I don't need a babysitter.

They also made me double up my dosage for the pills i take for depression. I still feel upset and starting to think of things that I never thought of before. But I try pushing those thoughts to the side. Those meds were worthless to me. Nothing's working anymore more. I hate it.

I haven't spoken to Luke either. I'm way to embarrassed. I can't believe I let him see me on my worst days. I just can't be around him anymore. All I'm going to do is drag him down with me. I usually do that with people.

I sigh getting up from the corner of my room and grab a oversized hoodie and put it on walking out my room door. Maybe a walk will help all this emptyness in my chest. My therapist send a message threw Jonah that walks help clear the mind.

"Charlie where are you going?" Jonah popped up.

"Just going for a walk." I sigh walking out the door and shutting it behind me. He's been watching me like a body guard and it's really annoying. I prefer to be invisible right now.

It's around 7:30 pm here. I think it's the perfect time to go on a walk. Jenni hasn't contacted me or even Margo. They've tried but I've declined. I haven't wanted to speak to anyone. Jonah told Jenni what happened when I was at the hospital and she's been calling me but I haven't answered. I can't find a way to.

I get in the elevator making my way into the lobby my hands covered with the sleeves of the hoodie. I was a mess right now and I didn't care.

When I looked up I found Luke with Bridgit outside laughing and smiling as Luke smoked like always. I really didn't want to see any of them right now so I'll try my best to ignore them.

I made it outside catching their attention but I kept on walking past them.

"Charlie." Luke called out but I ignored him. I kept on walking focused on the floor and not looking up.

Luke quickly jogged up to me standing in front of me stopping me from walking.

"Why are you ignoring me? I need an explanation." Luke stated holding my arms so I won't move. I couldn't look at him so my vision stayed on the ground.
"Charlie." Luke says grabbing my chin in his hand so I can look up at him but I shook my head moving his hand away from me.

"There's nothing to explain." I said softly shrugging.

"Really? Because i don't see it like that." Luke snaps.

"Just leave me alone Luke please, go back to Bridgit, all im doing is ruining your life, just please leave me alone." I say pushing past him and walking the rest of the way. I can feel luke still standing there watching me as I go. It's for the best. I don't need anyone, I don't want anyone around me. All I do is destroy everything and everyone.