Bad Habits ↠ Luke H.

38

[Luke]

I stood there in disbelief the words I wanted to say not being able to be spoken. I was so nervous and it all felt surreal.

She's here in front of me when I thought she was gone. A bit of life came back to me and I just couldn't stop staring at her.

"Charlie, I thought you were dead." I said softly.

"Well im not." She shakes her head. "I have to go now." She starts to walk away with her crutches but I froze. I still couldn't believe it. I suffered so much but all along she was still here.

I went after her catching her outside and standing in front of her stopping her from walking.

"I called so many times, your phone was disconnected." I say.

"Yeah, I haven't done any communicating with anyone so it was a waste of money to keep it connected." Charlie snaps trying to pass by me but I didn't let her. I knew she was angry with me, I was even angry with me about what i did.

"I can't let you walk away again." I say my voice cracking. "I've spent all this time In New York suffering, I haven't been able to sleep, eat, smile, be happy, record in the studio right, perform, every time we had to perform your favorite song I ran off stage because I missed you so much, I was alive but barely breathing without you."

"I can't do this." Her voice fades shaking her head.

"We have too! We have to fix this." I say already feeling the tears built up.

"Fix what luke? My broken heart? Cause that's already shattered. You think you were the only one suffering? Every time I saw you come up on tv I would have to walk away to stop myself from crying, when I think about you and that girl at the club, my heart hurts even more. I haven't loved someone so much in so long and you took advantage of me luke." Charlie finishes up.

"Im so sorry charlie. I know it's all my fault and there's no one else to blame, you in that crash, you leaving, you hurting, me thinking you were gone, it's all my fault, i know I'm a fucking asshole and i fucked things up charlie, and im so sorry." I say feeling the tears fall out of my eyes already. I've been such a baby, with all this crying, but when your hurt so badly, it because a daily routine.

"Luke please don't." Charlie says, and I can see tears falling from her eyes. "Don't do this."

"Im so sorry char." I say tears rolling down my cheek.

"Im sorry I can't deal with this." Charlie says wiping away her tears, not even looking at me once, making my heart hurt a bit more.

"It's fine." I say. "I can't deal with myself either."

Those were my last words to her as I walked away.

I was done trying to fix things,

I was done trying to be happy,

I was done trying to stop all the crying,

All the pain,

I was done trying to be okay,

I was done trying to make her understand,

I was Done trying with myself,

I was done trying to carry on.

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