Bad Habits ↠ Luke H.

36

[Michael]

We saw the news about the airplane crash a while ago. It's all over the news. Everyone has lost there lives in the crash except 3 people. But no signs that one of them was charlie. We've tried to contact her brother but he hasn't picked up the phone. He must be aching. I know luke is.

Luke just sometimes lies in his bed without speaking or doing anything. He usually disappears at night and we don't know where, but then he comes to the hotel around midnight. Soon we have a performance and he doesn't seem ready. He's seems like he's still hurting.

He isn't any of the Lukes we know. He isn't cocky, he isn't happy, he isn't playful, he isn't sarcastic, he's just depressed now. Like his world has came crashing down. That's when I knew he loved charlie. Cause he might of lost her but he lost himself in the process.

Sometimes ashton would have to stay awake all night just to take care of luke when he wakes up at night screaming from the nightmares he gets. I can see the regret is killing him. It's eating him from the inside and he blames himself for all of it.

Im starting to feel it for him. We haven't been the same. It's like we feel what luke feels. It all drags us down to think Charlie's gone because she was such a good person , and things started to go well and just in a blink of an eye everything changed.

"Luke." I sigh. "Are you ready?"

Luke shakes his head.

"Remember, act happy, for the fans." Calum states as luke nods slowly not even a small smile on his face.

"And now we present 5 seconds of summer!" The voice yells as we all run out. I wave to the crowd as I walk up to my mic.

"What's up New York!" I yell.

"So many beautiful faces!" Calum yells also.

"Let's get this show started!" Ashton cheers.

-
-

Luke hasn't smiles during the whole show and im starting to see that our fans are seeing he's not happy.

"Okay so let's slow it down." Ashton says. "Here's close As strangers."

[Luke]

Ashton announced close as stranger and I felt my heart sink. That was Charlie's favorite song. She would make me repeat it so much and she loved it. I was suppose to sing in to her one day. But I never got the chance.

We started to play the beat.

"6 months since I've been away,
I know how you said everything has changed, and im afraid that I might be loosing you ...
Every night that we spend alone-"

"Im sorry." I choked. "I can't do this." I quickly ran off the stage feeling the tears fill my eyes.

The guilt was to much to take. It's all my fault. Im such an asshole and I deserve the worst. And there's nothing worse than his pain I have now. I can't sleep, I can't smile, I can't be happy anymore. Now I understand how charlie felt all the time.

She was my gravity and now my whole world is shattering.

I just miss her so much, I miss her laugh, her perfume, the way I held her when we drove around until midnight, I miss her hair, her eyes, her warmth, the way she use to always play with my hair, I just miss her so fucking much.

I wish I didn't have to live with this. The guilt was killing me.

"Luke!" Ashton yelled after me. I just took my ear piece off and put my guitar down and kept on walking.

"Wait!" He gripped my arm stopping me from walking any further.

"Leave me alone ash!" I snapped pulling away from his grip.

"You need to stop running from everything, talk to me!" Ashton groans following me. "You haven't spoken to us for too long!"

I stop turning around to find Cal and Mikey with ashton now.

"You wanna know how I feel?" I move closer to them. "I feel like absolute shit, Charlie's dead and it's my fault, I should of never cheated. She could of been here with me enjoying all of this but I fucked things up and now she's gone, and she isn't coming back. I've never felt anything hurt more than what hurts now, and I've thought billions of times that if I could choose, I wish I was dead instead."

I walk away with those being my last words to them. I think I'm broken and I don't know how to fix myself because the only person who can fix me , is gone now, and she isn't coming back.