Bad Habits ↠ Luke H.

39

[charlotte]

It was New Year's Eve.

I haven't spoken to luke at all since I last saw him. I felt bad and at the same time I was angry. Angry that i let him in to cause damage. I was doing so well. But he had to come along.

I haven't stopped thinking about him. I've tried to hate and forget him but he became a habit, a bad one. Once I saw him I wanted to hug him and hold him but it's just not possible. He hurt me way too much.

It's crazy how they thought i was dead. I was hospitalized for a couple weeks from the damage I got. I was just remember getting into the plane and seeing us fall and stuff but I don't remeber when we exactly crashed. Jonah flew to where they had me hospitalized and then after we flew back. I was so afraid that whole flight. You can say I cried threw it all. I've been in to many incidents im afraid to get on any type of vehicle.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard a knock at my door.

I groan trying to get up. I've been to lazy to get any where now since I have a broken leg.

I hop with one foot to the door holding on to the wall once I reach.

I open to reveal three talk figures standing on the other side.

"What do you guys want?" I sigh hopping back to the couch and sitting down.

"Have you seen luke?" Calum ask walking threw the door, ashton shutting the door behind him.

"No." I sigh. "Why would I?"

"I don't know, we searched everywhere, and he's not here, we have a party to get to and he's been gone since last saw you and hasn't came back." Ashton sighs sitting down next to me. It was weird for him to disappear almost 24 hours.

Where could of luke went? Im starting to get nervous  but why should I even care? I should be forgetting about him not looking for him.

"Well dont come to me." I snap. "I don't want anything to do with him."

"Just cut it off!" Calum sighs. "I understand he cheated on you, I understand he broke you, but he was drunk, he didn't know what he was thinking, he went to look after you the day he heard you were leaving but he came late and he heard that your plain crash, that you weren't a survivor and he went nuts. He literally hasn't preformed without crying, he hasn't been able to sleep in so long because he wakes up in the middle of the night screaming from a nightmare, seeing your plain crash and he would blame himself for all of it , he even wanted to die a couple times. The guilts eating him alive. I get that your angry with him but you can't be angry at him because you think he 'doesn't care' because he cares way more than he should, so please stop this bitchy act and help us! Im afraid he might be doing some thing stupid!"

I was startled by calums words. I would never expect him to talk that way. That's how i knew luke was sorry. I feel like such a horrible person but I'm just afraid and hurt. I didn't know luke went threw all that. I feel like such a bad person but at the same time I feel stupid.

But what if luke was doing something stupid. His last words weren't so convincing he was okay. What if he does something stupid and it's my fault.

"Im sorry." I manage to say. I think I will forgive him. Maybe my trust won't be as strong but maybe we can fix this before its too late. Maybe all this is a sign that we need to fix each other. Cause I know he's the only one that can fix this pain.

"Would you know where he could of went?" Michael questions running his fingers threw his hair.

"I don't know." I sigh letting my face drop to my hands.