Better This Way

Twenty Nine

Becky cupped my cheeks some minutes after we hugged and smiled broadly. I think something must have happened for her to be like this. She drew us closer and our lips touched. Her lips are moving around mine in a very passionate way. I wrapped my hands around her waist while returning the kiss.

"I wasn't expecting you today" she said in-between our kisses.

"Thanks for being here" she continued making me to smile.

"What's wrong. You don't look okay" I said.

I sat down and made her sit on my laps. She smiled as she plays with my cheeks.

"I am just worried about my dad" she said still playing with my cheeks.

"I heard he's home. Hope he's fine" I asked and she shook her head.

"But he will be" she said in a more lively way.

I wonder what it's all about. Maybe not talking about it is the best. Becky obviously is sad and I want to take her out of the mood.

"So I got a shocking notification today. This person sent $100,000 dollars to me with a short description saying 'you don't need a loan for anything'" I said and she looked at me.

"Oh really? That must be a coincidence. I mean how did the person know you're processing a loan...." She said trying to make a joke or something.

"I know it's you Becky" I said cutting her off and she got silent.

"Well at least it finally got to you. I was a bit mad that it was taking too long" she said.

"Come on Becky. I told you not to do this..."

"I can't just let you take up a loan when I can help you with the money"

"And who said I need the money?" I blurted weakly.

Gosh! Did I just say this? It's the most insensitive statement I have ever made. If I don't need the money, why apply for a loan in the first place? Becky is looking at me in confusion. Who wouldn't be. I let out a sigh of frustration and ....

"I can't accept the money" I said looking away.

"Why not?"

"Because it's wrong Becky. It's totally wrong"

"How is it wrong?"

Silence.

"How is it wrong sweetheart?" She repeated and touched my cheeks this time making me look straight into her eyes.

"You are my girlfriend. And as girlfriends we should help each other when in need right? I don't know what you need the loan for and I sincerely don't want to know but since I can help with the money, why not??" She continued.

It's not wrong for helping out but it's wrong because the situation is based on deceit. I became sad again when I saw my reflection in her eyes. I am just like this person I hate so much. I am just like Mr. Armstrong. I used Becky to get what I wanted, how am I different from him that used his position to demolish my home just because he wanted the land??

My heart is breaking again. When will this guilt leave me? When will I stop hating myself for everything? Tears started clouding in my eyes. God I can't possibly drop a tear infront of her.

"Come on baby. Take it as my gift to you for bringing happiness into my life" she said as she brushes my cheeks.

Taking the money will further hurt me. I looked at her, I know if I continue like this, Becky will keep insisting. Maybe I should sound more serious than I am. I made her get up from my laps. I know she will be shocked over why I did that.