TW: Mentions, of death, suicide, and worms (GET READY FOR BIT'S OF JOHN'S BACKSTORY!!!!) @Court_joker You ask for angst, you shall get angst. The ice cream truck tune makes sense later just play it throughout the whole chapter, I promise you, you'll understand the more you read.
Wednesday 9:32 A.M.
John stood in the middle of the crowded party room, feeling lost and out of place. He had just shouted, "What time is it?"
To no one in particular, but it had caught the attention of his classmates. They had responded in unison,
"Showtime!"
And it made John feel even more like an outsider, he did this all the time but, he was deeply intoxicated from the school party, and he had not slept a wink.
John had hoped that going to this party would help him avoid dealing with his emotions, but he was wrong. He had work and school the next day, and his hangover would be unbearable. The last thing he wanted was to deal with his emotions on his birthday. All he wanted was to go home, crawl into bed, and cry his eyes out. But he couldn't. Everyone wanted to talk to him because it was his birthday, and he couldn't escape. Why does John want to cry on his birthday you may ask?
Someone John loved deeply had passed,
His mother.
His mind wandered back to a time when he had wished for something else on his birthday. John's mother had died on his sixteenth birthday, bad luck am I right? But to make it worse, his mother's death was intentional, his mother killed herself on John's birthday,
The memories were still fresh in his mind. He remembered the way his face had drained of color when he heard his younger brother crying his eyes out when the nurses talked to him. Instead of wishing for a new phone or car for his sweet sixteen, he had wished for his mother to still be alive. And now, as he looked around the party room, he couldn't help but feel like he was reliving that painful day all over again.
Suddenly, a cake was thrust in front of him, and everyone started crowding around him, putting birthday hats on him, and shoving his favorite kind of cake in his face. They all began to sing "Happy Birthday," and John felt like he had traveled back in time. He saw his younger self blowing out the candles and making a wish, and he knew what that wish was. He had wished for his crush on boys to go away, to finally be normal. He felt a pang of sadness in his heart as he realized that his younger self had been so confused and lost.
"John! What did you wish for?" Charles Lee asked him with a huge grin on his face.
"I wished for-"
"Babe! You can't tell him or it won't come true!" Martha interrupted, hugging John from behind. John could see how his younger self had flinched when she touched him. She was a constant reminder to be normal, to love women like he should.
"John, John! Look, an ice cream truck!" Francis said, looking outside of the window. They were exes, and their breakup had been messy, but they were still friends. More like Francis had manipulated John into believing that he was in the wrong and that his cheating on John was fine.
Everyone rushed outside to get ice cream, and Jefferson's dad paid for it all. It was nice, and John didn't want it to end. That lasted for five minutes before the rain poured, and Mister Softie, the ice cream truck, left. Everyone rushed inside to get umbrellas. John stayed outside, watching the worms and other animals find themselves on him. He felt like he didn't belong in this world.
John sat there waiting for everyone to come back until he heard the sound of sirens, and an ambulance pulled up to his house. His mother was rushed out of the house in his father's arms, and the ambulance took her away. John looked at his younger self, who didn't know what was going on. His younger sisters pushed him into his car, put on a GPS, and followed the police cars and ambulance.
When they arrived at the hospital, John was pushed into a waiting room. The doctors and nurses rushed his mother into a room, and John didn't know what was going on. When he did see his mother, he didn't know what to say. When he heard his mother's heart monitor go into one long beep, he didn't know what to feel. He still remembered how everyone's faces turned to horror when they heard the flatline and the beeping, and how John didn't know how to react.
Beep, Beep, Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep-
"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, dear John! Happy birthday to you!" Everyone cheered for John, smiling at him. He was pulled from the bad memory and was in the present, no longer in his sixteen-year-old body. John blew out the candles and looked at everyone, putting a smile on his face, but deep down, he felt like he was reliving his mother's death all over again.
"What did you wish for?" someone said. John didn't know who it was, and he didn't care. He wanted to leave.
"I can't tell you! It might not come true!" John said, smiling. He wanted his mother to still be here, and he wished that he could go back in time and change the past.
As the party continued, John found himself lost in thought. He couldn't help but think about his mother and the impact her death had on his life. He remembered the way she used to smile at him and tell him that everything would be okay, even when things seemed impossible. He wished he could hear her voice again, tell her how much he loved her, and ask for her advice. But John knew that he couldn't change the past. All he could do was keep moving forward and make the most of the time he had left. He thought about the people in his life who loved him, and who would be there for him no matter what. He thought about his dreams and goals, and the person he wanted to become.
The party eventually came to an end, and John said goodbye to his friends. As he walked out of the dorm, he felt a sense of sadness wash over him. Sure, he was glad that the party was over, but he couldn't shake the feeling of loneliness that had been consuming him for months.
As he looked up at the sky, he saw a shooting star and closed his eyes to make a wish. This time, he wished for his mother to still be alive, to guide him through the difficult times and offer him the comfort and love that only a mother could provide. But he knew deep down that his wish would never come true, and the realization hit him like a ton of bricks.
John opened his eyes and felt tears roll down his face. He knew that life would never be the same without his mother, and no amount of strength or courage could fill the void that she had left behind. He felt lost and alone, with no one to turn to for comfort or support.
Why bother his friends who had a life and relationships?
As he walked into his dorm room and closed the door behind him, John felt the weight of his grief bear down on him. He knew that no matter what happened, he would always carry the pain of his loss with him, a constant reminder of the love that he had lost. He curled up on his bed and cried himself to sleep, even though it was still just 10:00 A.M.
Just wishing that he could turn back time and change the course of his life. But he knew that he couldn't and that the only thing he could do was keep going, keep living, and keep loving, even in the face of overwhelming sadness and grief.
Hoped you at least shed a tear over the chapters and if you did, here: *Tissue & cookie*
YOU ARE READING
-DISCONTINUED-ISH-Between the Lines, A Lams Fanfic-DISCONTINUED-ISH-
FanfictionJohn Laurens lived an uneventful life, devoid of any excitement or adventure. Though he tried to remember every detail from his high school and college days, his memories were fragmented and often failed to make sense. He was heavily reliant on his...
