TW: Bulimia, kissing, vomiting, and crying.
Happy birthday Court_joker fluff, just for you, :D
Wednesday 3:45 AM (Yay, it's finally a new day)
As John and Alexander cuddled on the couch Thomas sighed, he and James weren't in the best relationship right now. Alexander and John just got into a relationship, so how is it that they are doing better than them?
They had barely been together for five hours. James and Thomas had been together for five years.
Thomas makes his way to their bedroom, looking at the bathroom door and hearing sobs and the sound of retching filling in the dreadful silence.
As James sits on the cold tie of the bathroom, he can't help but feel a sense of despair. He's been struggling with self-doubt for as long as he can remember, and it's only gotten worse as he's gotten older. He knows that his boyfriend, Thomas, loves him for who he is, but he can't shake the feeling that he's not good enough.
James has bulimia, in high school, he stopped eating and became light-headed, not to mention he was easier to pick up, but they changed that, and James stopped this habit. They worked through it together just like Thomas's language thing.
But, not everything stays the same.
As he lies there, he thinks back to all the times he's let himself down. He thinks about the times he's binged and purged, the times he's skipped meals, and the times he's made himself sick. He knows that these behaviors are not healthy, but he can't help himself.
Suddenly, he hears a knock on the door. It's Thomas. "Can I come in?" he asks. James nods, and Thomas sits down next to him on the floor.
Thomas walks into the bathroom, soothing James as he cries, muttering horrible things about himself. Things that Thomas knows aren't true if he could just let James know if he could help James see how much he loves him.
"Hey," Thomas says softly. "I know you've been struggling lately. And I want you to know that I love you, no matter what." As Thomas sits down on the floor next to him, James feels the warmth of his presence.
James looks up at him, tears in his eyes. "I just feel so worthless sometimes," he says. "Like I'm not good enough for you." The bathroom's white tiles feel cold and hard against his skin as he leans against the wall, tears streaming down his face.
Thomas hugs James, "I'm sorry," James admits, Thomas felt James's tears drip onto his shirt, soaking him. He can smell the scent of lavender from the air freshener, mixed with the faint scent of Thomas's cologne. As Thomas hugs him, James feels the softness of his shirt and the wetness of his tears as they soak into the fabric.
"James," Thomas says, his voice horse, as he breaks their hug, James looks at his hands, He can taste the saltiness of tears as they drip down his cheeks and into his mouth.
Thomas takes James's trembling hand in his own, his fingers gently wrapping around James's as he looks deeply into his eyes.
His gaze is warm and reassuring, full of love and compassion. "I know it's hard to believe, but you are good enough," he says, his words soft and gentle. "You're more than good enough. You're amazing, talented, and beautiful. And I love you for who you are, not for what you do or don't do."
As Thomas holds James's hand, he feels the warmth and strength of his grip, grounding him and filling him with a sense of security and comfort.
James takes a deep breath, his chest rising and falling as he tries to hold back his tears. But despite his best efforts, a single tear escapes and rolls down his cheek.
"But what if I can't love myself?" James asks, his voice barely above a whisper.
Thomas's smile grows even more gentle, and he squeezes James's hand ever so slightly. "Then I'll love you enough for the both of us," he says, his voice unwavering and full of conviction.
"Together, we'll work through this, taking it one day at a time, and get through it together. Because I believe in you, James. And I know that you can learn to love yourself, just like I love you."
James feels a weight lift off his shoulders, a glimmer of hope flickering in his chest. He likes it when they skip classes together, spending lazy afternoons lounging in bed or playing chess.
He appreciates it when Thomas holds him close and kisses him softly, without any grand gestures or showy displays of affection.
He loves Thomas more than anything because Thomas sees him for who he truly is. He loves it when James is himself, his chess-loving-shy-but-sassy-self, and he never tries to change him.
When James apologizes for the 1782th time, Thomas interrupts him, heading to their room to grab a tissue. "Hey, we will, and can get through this together," he says, his voice filled with determination as he returns to James's side and gently wipes away his tears.
James feels a flicker of hope. Maybe with Thomas by his side, he can learn to love himself. It won't be easy, but he knows that he has someone who loves him unconditionally, and that's enough to give him hope.
"So you're not going to kiss me on my lips?" James teases, a small smile curling the corners of his mouth as Thomas wipes his mouth.
"James, you just threw up, you have vomit in your mouth," Thomas says, laughing softly. James had come down with a really bad fever, which is why he was throwing up, well, that's what Thomas tries to tell himself. Thomas tosses the tissue away into a nearby trashcan.
"You've kissed me when I've had other things in my mouth" James beams, his eyes sparkling with mischief, his sassy essence returning
"Okay, okay, fair enough," Thomas rolls his eyes, blush creeping up his face helping James up before cupping his chin and kissing him softly.
As they kiss, James feels the softness and warmth of Thomas's lips against his own, and the love that flows between them. It's not rushed or heated, but rather a moment of tenderness, a reminder that they'll always be there for each other, come what may.
This would've been Jeffmads angst, but someone was born on this day, and I can't have one of my best friends sad on their birthday!!!
So, have an amazing birthday Court_joker, you are one of the funniest persons I have ever met, even if this friendship only started a month ago. You mean the world to me, don't ever forget that.
Even with the crown of evil, I wasn't that evil, plus you have three crowns on this day, Francis & Charles Lee Hate crown. And normally those would be rendered defenseless because of my crown. But, you have the most important one today, the birthday crown.
-Happy birthday, Celeste out <3
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-DISCONTINUED-ISH-Between the Lines, A Lams Fanfic-DISCONTINUED-ISH-
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